When we face a situation in your life, sometimes we listen to others, our family, our friends, we talk, we listen, we trust their judgements, we listen to to what they say, and sometimes we do what they say!!
Last week Anna ask me for a favour, i didnt think, i didnt start thinking what was the right thing to do...i simply did what i felt right, i help!!! she need some papers..i get the papers, people may ask, why??? because i dont keep an accounting system, i do what i felt was right!
was i suprised?? yes, very, i never expect her to contact me, special after the last time we saw each other, where she didnt even look at me, considering the things she told me, i didnt expect this, but i am honest, with me, i dont have any anger, i help.
was it easy? no, i for a month keep trying to rebuild myself...not to think of her, hide her from my heart, and there she was, contacting me..
and after the papers what to do?? how to give them to her, i think, mail them, leave them at her mail box...yes, i could have done that, but i send her a sms, what she wanted to do? she aks me to meet her in our gym, i did think...it was wrong...i did what people told me to do, i was lisining to the voices of others, to the opinion of others, i was listen to many voices, which none was mine...i was trying to be the "hurt" part, try the approach...now you play by my rules....but i realise...it was not me...i was doing things how others expected...not how naturaly i would do...
i went, i saw her, i talk to her, i smile, i enjoy see her, she is so beautiful, she lights my life and yet i cannot let any of this come to me...i dont know what this means...maybe means nothing, just a favour...for me the best is the fact we can have a moment...a talk...a smile...that i no longer a stranger...
i know what all the people will say...my family...my friends...that i am stupid, weak...i am being manipulated...that she is bad...i dont care..this is life, i make my own choices, i listen to what others say, but i make my own choice!!!
i listen to my heart, to my soul, i list to what i feel, i did what i think was right, life is a long journey, and i dont want to lose the most precious person in my life because i become "proud" or "strong", life is is about forgiving, its about see the future and not the past, is about hope, its about joy, its about find the light, find your own path,
i dont let hope enter my heart, i dont try to see this as a new chapther, as show that i may still have a chance in the future...no...i keep living like i lived this last month....moving forward...alone...
when you have to make a choice, dont try to think about what other people would tell, what you are "expected" to do, what others think its right...what is the general expectation, just listen to your heart and soul, dont be proud, be human, be fair, be humble, be just, be forgiven and be yourself, listen to you, because its you who have to life with the decision you take, is not the others, its you, you will have to live for ever with your decisions, so listen, but in the end, listen to your heart and soul,
i did, i am happy i did, and would have be more more "easy" to be proud, to be "angry", but no, i was just me, and i am happy i did, i am happy that i had one more change to see Anna, to talk to her, to bring peace in my mind and heart!! i will help her always!!!
now? life goes on, alone, like before, facing the ocean, looking for my habour, looking for my star, moving on in my path, and doing it with an open heart!
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