this is what i did for the last 10 days, i walk, i walk and walk, 50 kms more or less a day, i did think it was not that hard, but i was wrong, its very hard, you think, hey, i can walk at 5 km per hour, and i can walk 10 hour...this is very nice in the first day, and in the first hours, them the backpack that you carry, start to feel more and more heavy, your feet start to feel heavy, you get slow, and the hours start to stretch, your feet start to hurt, and you start asking yourself, why??? why i am doing this walk???
this is a big questions, why did i walk the 500 km? i made this promise, i ask for some thing that didnt happen, but it doesnt matter what happen, doesnt matter that what i ask never happen, i decide i will walk!! yes there was many moments i consider giving up, there were moments i felt totaly lost, that i was crazy, that i should simply quit and go home..
but i didnt quit, i keep walking, even when my feet were hurting so much i was thinking that they were on fire, i would stop, take my boots out, my shocks, let my feet get cold, pretend everything is fine, its just a few km more, hide pain, try to forget the pain and move on....
i did the camino de santiago, many people speak about find god, about find enlightenment, about reaching peace with themselves, i hear of of this before i left, did i found any of those things??? no, if those things exist out there i didnt found them, i found goodness, i help others, others help me, i found different things, i found out how much pain i could suffer and still move on, i found out that even when you think i am lost, there is no way i will find a place to sleep tonight, you keep on moving until you find that place, i found out that if you have the right mind, the right attitude you can survive all the bad things life trows at you, is this God? my will power? i dont know but the big lesson,is doesnt matter how bad things look, i will find in me a way to move forward, i am still today not sure about everything i learn from this days, maybe it will take years, maybe i will never learn the lessons..i had reason i had to do this, i did, and i am happy that i did!!! i am some how better today them when i start walking....maybe not better, different....
you see, like in everything in life i saw the best and worse of people, i walk alone, for 10 days i keep walking alone, some days you meet other people, some days you dont see any one...i get rain, sun, dust, mud, and i keep on going....
did this help me?? strangely yes, for this days, my mind was empty and clear, i didnt think about my work, about my life, about Anna, no, i just focus on conquering the pain and move and them stop and rest and sleep!!! its a very basic life, walk, eat, rest and sleep, you clean your mind, its like you are purging your soul with pain and exercise!! yes i could have walk less, or take more days, its like life, but this was what i had, this is what i how i had to do...and i did it!
and now??? is my life better? changed?? no, its still the same, i have still the same job, i still lost the person i care more in this world, but i learn that doesnt matter the pain, doesnt matter the desperation in my mind, if i found a strength and will to move, you will reach your destiny!!!
i ask myself many times will i return??? i dont have an answer, part of me wants to go back, another part says no, i dont know, i know that this help to keep my mind clear of everything else for 10 days, and this is precious, i hope i can have now a more clear mind for my future...
i also dont need to lie here, i carry two little shells, that i hold in my chest, i wear them every day, i still use them now, everytime i was ready to quit, i looked at them, and i remember why i was doing this, and carry on, this shells are my more precious good, i will treasure them, they have a two owners, which maybe one day i can give the shells, and i also carry a t-shirt with a code, i finish my walking with this t-shirt A-99! its a message of hope? a farewell? a last goodbye?? i dont know, i know that this journey show me that life is not easy, that you will suffer, that there will be pain, but you have the choice to carry on, of not quiting, of trying to find in you that last spark of energy to move, that mind set that keeps telling you...keep walking...dont stop...move...there is a nice place waiting for you...
so if you are in moment of your life where everything looks desperate, remember, there is always two choices, to give up or fight back, give up may look more easy, more tempting, you will suffer no more, but you will never reach what you want, what you deserve, what is right, so keep on walking, keep moving forward in your path, your feet my have blisters, you many have your own blood in your socks, and you keep moving, even if every step is pain, that you leave your bed in pain and know that you have to walk 50 kms that day, yes quitting is easy, but you dont reach the end of your journey by quitting, so do like me, my friend, we can conquer life, we can reach our destination, doesnt matter what this destination is, we just need to keep on walking!!!!
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