Lots of questions!!!

I am in moment with lots of questions in my life, two weeks ago it seens i am moving in the right direction, that life was smiling to me, i am not so sure now!!! this last week was tough, we get greedy, we want a lot, and we want everything now!!! i am telling myself, be patient, to wait, to give time to time!!!

I am facing the question, should start dating other women??? i could, i have a few women who show their interest in going out with me, and this raises a fundamental question, i am being honest and true to myself? in this days most people thinks, hey, its fine, you can go out with other persons, you are not in a relationship, you can take this women to bed, hey, you are a free man...am i a free man??? i am honest??? i love Anna, i love her so much, why should i go out with other persons?

this is the difference between being honest with yourself and be true to your love or just go and follow the crowed, i know that most persons will not understand, they will think i am stupid, but i think when we say, i love, i am honest, we must life by this world, by what you feel its right!!!

I will lose a lot of sex, true, but i am not looking for sex, i am want love, and want to be with Anna, i want to share her life and her bed, i dont want to start having this one night stands, i would not feel right, i would not be honest with what i feel.

You can say, hey, you have no person in your life, you may never get back to Anna, so why you dont take advantage of the situation???? because i have love in my heart, my heart is the place for only one person, and that person is Anna.

when you think life is not going in the direction you want, you say to yourself, now i am free to do what ever i want, let me take a "revenge", let me "show her", and you lose and betray all the things you said you stand for, its in this moments, when life is tough, when you are alone, when you feel losing hope, that you should stand up, that you should look life in the eyes and fight back,and you should say NO, its in the difficult times that you prove yourself!!!! i am honest, i am true to me, i am true to my love!!! is it easy??? no!!!! is this bring you any close to what you want?? maybe no, but you are honest with you, for what you stand for!!! for what you say!!! you keep fighting with a clean mind, with a clean heart!!! we show you we are not when everything is easy, when life is smiling to you, we show out true colours when we are in despair, when our actions seen to be hopeless, is in this moments that we prove to us who we really are!!!

i hurt myself while training, i hurt my leg and arm, different things with one day apart, my leg snap while running, its still in pain, i cannot run now, and the arm while doing deadlifts in the gym!!! but i change my programme and i didnt stop, it hurts, but its like life, we dont stop living, loving because it hurts, we carry on, like exercise, you change, you adapted, you dont stop!!!!

i dont know where i stand towards Anna, i dont know if i am making any progress, if one day we will be together again, the last days left me with lots of questions, i dont know the answer, but i dont stop, i dont change who i am, what i want, i love Anna, full stop!!!! so i can i go and start chasing girls??? i cannot!!! people dont understand this, this think i should try to bring as many girls home as can, to make Anna jealous, to have fun, i could have done that, but i would be a liar, i would be like all the others out there who say one thing, that preach one value, but when its their time, their actions are different them their words!!!

its in the must difficult times that you see the true face, the true character of a person, its not easy, but i am honest to myself!!!!! i am true to the women i love!!!

new hope and fear

I am living a new phase in my life, i am passing moments of being very happy and being very afraid!!! In the last weeks, i have go out with Anna, just the two of us, we had two dinners, i am so happy, i am smiling like i was a kid of 7 years old in the christmas night, i feel so good, everytime i am with her, its like the rest of the world doesnt exist, everything is perfect!!!

you can say, hey, its just dinner, nothing happen, dont make films in your head, she is just being friendly, i know, but i am sharing a moment with her, i see her, i can make her laugh, i am make her mind move away from daily issues to adventures and stories, i can try to show her the optimist side of life! i try to show her there another side of life, a side of sharing, a person she can trust and will be always there for her.

i hope, there is hope again, its great feeling, and i am afraid, i am afraid i am hoping to much, that in the end nothing will happen, but i am also saying to myself, dont think to much, enjoy this moments, take them as place in time, a time for a few hours, everything is perfect, everything is full of joy, that for that instants my heart is full of joy!!!

sometimes we are afraid, we all are afraid, i am not afraid no phisical pain, of hard days, i am afraid of not see Anna, of not being part of her life,this is the only thing i am afraid.

i realise in this last year, that we care to much about things that are not that important! we care about money,about cars, about clothes, about "toys", i am free from this, i am free from all this consumer approach, i dont want any new stuff, i want to share a life, a moment, a day with the person i love!!! i pass by sportcar yesterday, and i would spend time looking at it, and thinking if i had lots of money i would buy one, but yesterday, i look, i smile, i think, nice car and that was it!! the car before was more them just a car, it was a way to show how sucessful you were, tool to impress others, now a car is a tool to drive me from place a to b, it was to realiable and safe, i dont need a car to impress girls, i have one person in my heart, and i am sure she is impressed with loyalty, with joy, with laughting, with respect, with being generous, with a partner that helps her every day them with the car i drive.

yes, i have hope, and i love, and like every one who love, we are afraid to lose the person we love, i have hope, this is a very generous feeling, because with hope all your life is more bright, have more colour!! i dont know how much my life will change in the next months, but i have a new hope, i have hope that one day, i have not pressure of time, i dont mind waiting, i am not rushed, i will have the chance to make Anna feel loved and special.

life is a long journey, when your intentions are pure, you have your objectives clear, you know what you want, and you have the love in your heart, time is not important, the love of the special person is the only thing that matters to you!!! i have hope!!!!

side by side

Life should be shared, we all have great moments when we are alone, we all have great victories all by ourself, but the best moments in our lifes should be shared!!! i have a clear vision of in 1988, i was flying from asia to home, and i lost my connection fligth in Paris, the next flight was in the evening, saw myself in airport in Paris at 5.00 in the morning, and decide to go to the city to insted of waiting for the next plane in the airport.

i was still very young, full of life in front, and that day teach me a lesson, that is some how related to "title" of this blog about sharing, moments, things, i arrive in paris with the city dark, i walk around the city at around 6.30 in the morning, i end up in this beautiful spot, the sun was rising, it was perfect, i was enjoying the moment, and i clear remember, i wish i had some one here to share this moment with me!!! this is first truth moment i was thinking...this would been so much better if i could share it with someone!! that memory is very vivid even today in my mind!

this is what i learn that day, and still sometimes we forget, life is supposed to be shared, and to share life we need to walk in life side by side with the person we love!!!!!

when you love someone, you should walk in life side by side, like equals partners, persons who support each other, who know doesnt matter what will be the problem, the trouble, there is always a friend, a lover, a partner there to support you, to share, to love, to fight with you!!! you know that you dont need to face the world alone, that you dont need to fight the world alone, you maybe are were able to fight and win alone, but when you have some one to share your fights, your problems, your joys, your victories, the problems reduce by half and the good things are doubled!!! this is the beauty of sharing, of having some one to walk side by side with you!!

this is what true love is, its not solving, its not do everything for the person you love, its being there at her/his side, and help and support, just this!!!

side by side is being honest, sharing everything, i didnt do this, i hide from Anna during the time we were together a dark secret in my family, one of my family members had a past with drugs...i never told Anna, why??? because i wanted to look perfect for her, i want to pretend my family had no problems, that we were a nice family, i told her later, i told her because i grow up, i learn that i shouldnt hide anything from the women i love, and its better that she learn it from me, and not being told by some one else, i hate drugs, i see what they can to do to family, i watch at close range, and never told her, because i think it was better, its not!!! if you are in serious relationship, if you think this is the person i want to share the rest of my life with, tell everything, about you, about your family, its about share, its about being equal partners, its about being two persons you walk in life like a couple, like to soulmates!

i know, its more easy not to share, its more easy to hide some things, its easier, but this is not true love, if you think that you dont want to share, if you dont be an equal partner, them you dont love for real!!! is money its a different thing??? should i share it??? if think your money is more important them the person you love...them you dont love...love is more important then any mateiral thing...its about your commitment to the person you love, that you will be always at her side, doesnt matter how bad the situation is, how tough the fight will be, even if you think you will not win a fight, you should be always at the side of the person you love!!! i will never leave the person i love face a issue alone! i will be there, not to fight for her, to do things for her, i will be there to fight at her side, to do things with her!!

so share, share the walks in the park, the sunsets, the cries, the pain,the bad days, the good days, the loses, the victories, share, because sharing you and your love will be walking side by side, you are walking together towards happiness, to be a true couple!!!!

I learn my lesson, i am ready to walk with Anna side by side for the rest of my life!!!