pure friend

Can i be a true honest friend, no interest besides pure friendship of a person you i have feelings, who means a lot to me??? this is a big questions, i said yes, and i try to prove it yes, because the alternative is losing a person, who besides all the feelings i may have have become my best friend, as become the person who knows more about me them any one else in this planet!!!

Can i lose both the person i have the feelings for and my best friend??? i cannot, i must be true to myself, if i cannot control what i feel, i will tell her and i will walk away, because it will become a self preservation exercise!!!

Can you be friends of person you had feelings before?? yes, you can, in fact i am the living proof of that, i am friends of a girl i had feelings, strong feelings, and now we are just friends, nothing more, we talk, we see each other, but there is nothing more there them pure friendship.

i will try my best to just be justt a friend, to be there as pure friend, i would have to said i couldnt have done that the last month, but my mind change a lot, i am not longer a junkie, i am no longer living a addictions of a person, now i can think, i can free, i can enjoy things, i can start having fun, in the little things, like going to windsurf, i went today, not a lot of wind, but i had a great time, the last times i tried i had zero fun, my head was playing tricks with me all the time, not any more, today i was just me, and me alone, and i am good!!

can we be friends??? pure friends??? if you read all the post, all my declarations of love and dedication, you may say, no, i am lying to myself, i am not being honest, but i am, i will try to be honest to her and to me, if i cannot be a pure friend, i will walk away, i am honest, i will always be honest, and i dont want to start living and giving myself expectations that will never happen...so i am ready, pure friend, more them everything in life, i dont want to lose my best friend, this as nothing to do with feelings or what happen in the past, we are friends, and i hope that life can prove that i can be her pure friend!!! and there is nothing hidden i here!!! if i cannot life to that, i will move away, its a promise!! honesty above all!!!

end?

Yes, it over, she told me she doesnt want to see me any more, it was a shock, i have to confess, that day was very bad, the worse day of my life, you hear the last thing you want, it was so bad, that i was driving, i stop on the highway, i get out of the car and stay still, for more them one hour...all the things rushing in your mind...this was the worse i could imagine...but even in all the pain it had a positive side, it break the junkie in me, i was not good, i was a bad, i was the worse person to me, and all around me!!! i am become a shadow of myself, i stop being me, its so strange, the heart is the right place, but the head, i was losing it!!! so this chapter of my life is closing down...that moment i understood so clear the people who kill themselfs over love, i understood their reasons, i saw trucks passing by me i was in the highway..would be so easy to step forward...the pain and desperation...i cannot put in words that hour of my life, if there is an hell....i have benn there...i know how it feels....i understand the people who take that step in front of upcoming truck....but i would never do that... until that moment i never understood why people jump in front of buses, trucks...trains...after being left...now i do understand...very well....

i had time to think, i had a long drive back home...i was thinking, in the last months, specially the last 3, the only thing i talk with my friends and family was problems, about stress, about negative things!!!! today my life is not perfect, not good....so so so far from this..but i can see i will survive...i can handle life...i am not a junkie...its so strange...i am better now...i am a better person....i am cure from this addicition...


let not getting things wrong, i am not good, there is not switch to turn off all you fell, you dont love one day and the next you dont love...but i am right track to recover, i am dont know if i will ever see or speak with the person who still now means a lot to me, i made her promise, if she wants to talk to me she knows here to find me, i dont know if this will happen, but i have to life with that, i have to move on, sometimes is better to close down, that be in a limbo where you dont know what will happen!!

I still miss her, i still think about her, my heart is not at peace, you cannot stop loving in a second, you are going to need time, i will need time, i will need to be strong, i dont know if i will love again, not like i love now, Anna has left a huge mark in me, it still tough, very tough, but i know now i can survive, that in a strange way its better to know, to leave this coma...

i read the old posts, they are writting with love but also so much desperation, some are almost a cry for help, some are true love, i dont regret what i write, i could delete them, edit them, to look i am fine, to pretend that i what i wrote before was not so like that...no...i will leave them as they were, as a way to show myself, i loved, i love maybe too much, i love in a not good way, the words are there, some actions also, others no...i say i would be patient, i was and i was not...i was patient, for some one who is a junkie....now i am on the road to be ok, if you read all the posts, i can say if i start a life with another person, with a kid or not, all the things i say here i will do them, i learn the value of everything i say in here, by losing her, now i know, now i can look in the eyes of the person who one day will fill my life with love and i can say, that i understand so well what she went when she was living in here, the doubts, the calls at night, asking if i really love her...i know now what she suffer, but that the past is past, i cannot change the past, would change it in heart bit if i could....but i can promise only my future, that will be the road to happniess, and i say this with a clear mind !!!

Now I am on the road to recover, and the biggest part is done, I was afraid that is this happen I would go down, I would have a mental breakdown, but instead no, instead I am still here, in fact I can start be able enjoy the little things, and I promise myself I am not now going to “Casanova” or an asshole who would chase girls just to use them, I am not like that!! some people will not believe that, if they see me talk to a girl they may think, ahhh....there he goes, no, in fact its the oposite, i will help the others, i am helping a person i woulnt help before, just that to learn my sport, there is no other think in there, i made this clear to the other person, i can help you with the sport, if you are looking for a affair, for a boyfriend, look in another place, i am honest!!!

How will be the future??? i dont know, i never even dream about the roller coster of the last 5 years!!!! it was beyond my imaginations, so what will happen now?? i dont know!!! but i know i am a better person in all the ways, i have become a mature, strong, open man and i own all of that to a very special person!!! even now, even this day, i dont regret nothing, i would do all over again!!!!! Anna was the best thing in my life!!!

What can I offer?

What can i offer to the women i love??? i am not rich, i am not famous, i not in magazines, i am just a normal person, but i can offer other things, i can offer her love, honesty, full dedication, respect, trust, and magic!!!

I once fail to tell her all i feel because i was afraid the only thing i could offer was love, i did consider this was not enough, i regret this now, if i had been brave in 2003, how different our lives would been different now??? i will never know...its past, i can learn, we all can learn from it...

what can i offer to the person i love?? i can offer my love, that i love her with all my heart, a pure love, that i will never lie to her, that i will be always honest, i will trust her, that i will make a effort every day, that every day i will try to make her laugh, to make her smile, to create a environment of love, that she knows when she returns home from work, she is return to a place of love!!! a place of peace, of joy, where she will be always loved!!!!

this is not about giving gifts, of offering material things, its about the choice you make to offer the best in you to another person, to make sure you think about her need all the time, its about the little things, sharing the shooping, the cooking, the taking care of her child, and hope one day our child, its about giving her a hug for no apparent reason, to tell her how beautiful she is, about how much i love her, its about being there to listen, to help her, and sometimes to hold the idea she need all the time my help, its about give her space, its about give her time, its about balance, its about sharing a life!!

Anna and her child, change and help in a very important part in me, i learn that should would help my love with her child, not trying to be the replacement father, but a support for my love, to be there when she need me, to help with the day to day things, to give her a time and placeof confort and peace for her, to make sure that her child is a priority, that we will be a unit, a holding block, that every day together will be use to cement our love, to create a atmosphere where there is no fighting, were her child could grow knowing there is a beauty and love, two person can be happy, and be togehter, that can conquer all, that two persons can making a journey of live together and be happy!! 

I will never cheat her, never, why??? how can you say that??? i can, because in my life i never cheat no one, it may sound strange, but i have one value, being faithful, i live by it, i cannot cheat, if my life there is only place for one in my heart, this my sound stupid, old fashion, not real, but i tell you its real!!!! i am old enough to know one thing, i never love no one like i love Anna, and i will never love no one like that, we have one big love in our lives, this is mine, maybe i am not Anna biggest love now, but if she let me try, i can prove her, i can become her biggest love!!!

i wish i could offer financial stability, so we both didnt need to work any more, i cannot, i work, normal work, but i can offer a life of love, of peace, of joy, of magic, i can tell her stories, i can make her laugh, i can share every day of our lifes with no games, with no deception, no tricks, life with me will be an open book!!!

this is what i can offer, a life of sharing, a partnership for good and bad times, a friend, a lover, a husband, a boyfriend, some one who will always be there, some one who will listen, who will not judge, who will support her decision, trust, respect, some one will never cheat her,who have one purpose in life, to make her happy, this is what i can offer!!! Love, pure love, a honest love, i can offer my soul and love to her, i hope she can see that, with me she never need to worry again, life will be magic, life will be love, life will be journey of two souls join by love!!!!!

Help

Help, i need it a while, why i see a doctor? not because of my work, of my life, of the day to day things, went to see a doctor because i felt lost without the person who means everything to me...i went through a very hard period, i was very lost, i was in despair, i didnt know what to do, i had it all, i had the must important thing in life and i let it go away, and all the sudden, it hits you back, it hits like a ton of bricks, you start to realize what a stupid man i was, i could i be so blind? how could i let her go???? why didnt i fight more, and them you start a mad process, which i let took control of my life, maybe to much, i had to much things in my mind, one day one of my friends recommend me a doctor, some one to talk to, this for me was the total opposite what i think, me??? i am strong!! i can ride any trouble!!! i dont need to speak, i am tough guy!!! i dont need any doctor...but you must face reality!!! i am tough, i can handle physical pain well, i can endure stress, but i when love, true love, pure love, the person you care more in life is moving away from you, when you start think about how things were, what did i do, how i behave, them all this macho stories start to fall down!! i went this year from around February, into dark times, it was not easy!!! i was lost, i was not happy, i was starting to be desperate, i was not good!!

So went to see this doctor, i thing i never thinking about doing it, but it was good, she help me a lot, she listen, she didnt talk a lot in the first times, she just listen, she said she wanted to know me, the story, how i was, she told she listen to many people, who speak about love, relationships, how much they love, and she told me, most of the times people go there, to criticize the other part, they never have, a problem, she was surprised that i was so open about my faults, about my lack of being flexible, she told me its not normal for a man, to admit all of that, to admit he was wrong, i was totally honest with her, i broke down twice, i cried twice, its no easy to admit, but i cried...its not easy, its not easy to see that you made so many mistakes, and its more hard the result....

with time she help me changed, she told me, in her life she never saw no one be able to improve as much as me, she told me, you must love this girl very much, and she told only such a force can make a grown man change!!! she never told me, its better to give up, she never told me to stop, she never told how to do, she one day told me, if i start giving ideas, or directions i am not being honest with you, i am here to show you the ways, you have to make decision, she told i was fixed in a routine life, into life centered around me, and i try too much to be a father, to impose my self to my love, she told its was with good intentions, but i shouldnt have done it, i would have give my love more space and say, and always told me, you are not always right, put this in your mind!!!! this is a very important thing for me, i did consider i was always right, i am not, i need to listen, i need to be open....

this person help me, she still does, by me remembering all the conversations we had, this person is now terminal hill, i knew recently, it was shock, cancer, i not fair that God is going to steal her from us, i own a lot to this person, i am a better person because of her, she but me in the right way, without giving me any direction, she would just say, are you listen to what you say??? tape it...and them listen...i did this, and i was shocked sometimes, that couldnt me saying that....kids must be treated like dogs? obedience?  how could i have said that???? but i did and regret it, very much!!!

i am not good now, no, i am still a bit of mess, or a big mess, but i learn, but i have a clear vision of the way to go, i need time to sort myself out,  i hope i dont mess my life, by being to mad...

this blog was her idea, she told me, you need to open your heart, write everything you feel, do it in a honest way, dont be afraid of looking desperate, weak, not macho guy, write what you feel, dont worry about others, not one will find your blog, that is true, not one reads it, but i dont care, i am not writing for others, i am writing to say what goes in my soul, how much love and fear i have, i write to close to women i love, i write to express my feelings, so maybe one day i can show to my love how much i care for her....

and to my doctor, thank you for making me a better person, to make me understand so many things, thank for being there for me!!!

Honesty

Honesty, honesty is more them being honest to person you love, is a way of life, its a way you handle things in your every day, i am not perfect, far from it, i am not best person in the planet, i am annoying, i am sometimes to full of myself, but i am honest, and this is a thing that in your work, in life, it doesnt bring you a lot of "friends", but its a way you have to deal with things.

I learn this a few years ago, if you lie, even tiny lies, they come to hunt you back, you can lie to others, you can hide the things from others, but you cannot hide it from you, you know, i could have an affair when i was with my love, i was for 10 days in Egypt, and this girl from another country delegation was chasing me, all the guys in my delegation were saying go for it, i didn't, my love would never would know it, but i would know, and this is the key part, i would know, i wouldn't be honest to me, to my love, i told my colleagues, i dont need this, i have a women i love, i dont need this, they didnt understand, they say, hey, its just an thing, its a thing no one will know...why are you taking advantage of this??? two reasons, i dont need it and i would be lying to me and the women i love!!!

Honest is not easy, sometimes its eaiser to say a little white lie, like, but dont confuse things, you cannot base a relationship with lies, with games, a honest relationship is not easy, but its the right one,

I am honest to the women i love? yes, sometimes too honest! and maybe no honest...i told her everything i want from us, maybe it would have been easier to say, i am here for you, i am just your friend, and them use this to chase her, no, i was open, i was honest, i told here what i felt, this was a few months ago, yes honesty is not a easy process, but its the only way!!! maybe i should have told her, i want to be more them friends...i did, maybe i am not ready to be just her friend, i dont know....

When you love, pure love, you dont play games, you expose yourself, your heart, your feelings, its not easy, but its better, you should have no secrets, i am telling to my love all my hidden secrets, things i never told no one, some that are not even good for me, but i also can tell her, i never lie to you!!! its true, my love during a time think i had a online thing with a girl, that we were in a relationship before, i told her, we are just friends, and it was pure honesty, i never touch that girl, never, we are friend, we share a mail here and there, but that it, i dont love her, i dont to person of her life, she is a friend, like many others, she is not the women i love...

Sometimes we tend to better believe a lie that the truth, because people lie a lot, but if you are in relationship, i am not in a relationship, but if you are, please dont lie, tell the truth, if there is a issue, big or small be open about it, tell your partner, so you both can work it out, be honest, because if you are honest your relationship will be based in respect and trust, you can work out things, you can create a life that your kids can see as an example to follow, love is a complex process, we love, we stop loving, we love again, must people in this life would feel love for more them one time, and if you look back maybe you should be more honest!!! i fail here once, when my love start thinking about moving to new city, i told her, yes, i encourage her, i know it would be better for her, i know this, i also should have told her i was afraid, that i terrified, and i didnt, and try to play the cool boyfriend, that one you is handling the situation well, i was not, i was not happy at all, i am full of fear, but i never told her that, i was  not honest, would have made a difference? i dont know, but i never lie to her ever since, never, and i promise this to person, a person who help me, and its now dying from a terminal disease, i never lie to the person i love, NEVER.

i will be honest with me and her!!! ever!! even if this means that i have to take the hardest decision in my life and wak away...

phones

Sometimes you do things you regret, i did that very recently, my love is a different place, she is not home, i call, she was in restaurant, and i couldnt speak with her, she ask me to try later, i try, there was no connection, i couldnt speak, and i starting try and trying, its a strange process, its a mix of fear and desperation!!! which makes you even call more!!!!

why i did this???? there could be many reasons, the main one is fear!!!!! yes, fear!!! i my mind there is not a guy who would try his luck, if she is alone, i think there is loads of guys try to get her!!! i trust her, i would trust my life with her!! that is the reasonble mind, but the heart is mad!!! and i must confess, i am scared, i am scared that i am losing my sense of what is normal or not, i need to give a look at myself....

So what i do i send a sms, to complain!!!! to show her i was annoyed!!! this is not fair!! this is not right!!! i should wait, there could be milions of reasons, the batery went dead, the connections is dead, no money to call, even more simple, she didnt listen!!! you should be ready that things sometimes cannot be done in a instant!!! like learning to listen, i need to learn to wait!! i am not very good in this, but i promise myself, i will be good, i will wait, i will learn to understand why the things happen and give her time!!!

there is nothing worse them a person that start to put pressure on you, you starting making demands, you should do things because you want, because they feel right and bring you happiness, not because, you should do them, this is love, there should never be demands, there never should be an account!!!! i will never do that again!!! i am man in love, i love her more them everything in this world!! and because of this i would learn to respect my love!!! to wait, to be a source of happiness, of confort, of joy, not a source of stress and pressure!!!

i love get sms, mails from her, talking to her, this is the best part of any day, of any week, i smile everytime i talk to her, my eyes start to shine!!!! but i should be her man, some one who respect her, and dont start send sms everytime things are no happening like his wish!! no life is not like that, what type of boyfriend, husband i would be??? not the best, this is not the the man i want to be in her life!!! i learn, i will never again be a source of stress!!!!

i will stop a few days, i am out, not that one reads this, but i dont mind, this is like my helper told me, write what goes in your heart, and write for you, not for other!!

and i maybe need to look at me, i am now part of helping her, or i am starting to be bad for her??? this is a hard question i have to answer....

Discussions

Yes, i had a few discussions with my love, some were bad, before she move away, to her new job we were having a few discussions, and the last time we spend holidays together a lot of discussions!!! why??? why did you fight??? why we discuss so much???

i cannot say how hard is to see my love reaching tears after fighting with me, it breaks my heart to remember this...and did you fight because one of us was cheating? Lying? Being dishonest??? no...we fight for little things!!! i feel really bad, because some of the discussion we had where because of her child, and because i was thinking i knew it all, i use to say, i will handle this!!! let me do it!!! and i would take measures that i shouldn’t, i was not the father of the child, my love told me that she didnt think my approach was the right one, and i still did it, why???? Because i was thinking i was right, i was thinking i am ALWAYS right, this was one of my biggest defects, i am to sure i knew it all!!! i don’t!!!! i was wrong!!!!

Little things, like directions, hey, i know the way, i know where we are, even if i didn’t, and if my love say, no, i know where we are, i would argue, i would try to prove that i was right, for what??? why??? i learn my lesson, tolerance, listen, be able to listen to the other part, don’t argue, listen, if you think that you are right or wrong, is this worth a fight??? is this worth annoying the women you love???? no, of course not!!!! If one day we go back together i promise my love i will be able to listen, to say what i think, but not to start a discussion, it not worth it!!

i was thinking, i need to be a man, i need to show her i am strong, i am decisive, i know things, i am know everything, let me impress with how smart i am in this discussion.....what a fool!!!! What a moron!!! i could i be this stupid????

you impress a girl by being able to listen, to show what you think in a way she can see your point, but its not about i am right you are wrong, its no war, is no competition, it a relationship, its the women you love, its not a meeting with people who don’t care....don’t confuse things, not confuse the way you deal people in meetings with the women you love!!! she means everything to you, she is the most important thing in your life!!! treat her that way, show her how much she means to you!!!! don’t fight over nothing!!!!

i learn all this, being lonely and see how much i love her, made me realize that i was wrong, and i was part of the creating a stress environment for my love, ahhh, it drives so mad, one time we are returning from a Mexican restaurant, we start a big fight over Mexico city, because i start to defend one idea that was not right, and my love she decide to fight back, we both end up almost breaking our relationship, we both cried, for what???? intolerance generates intolerance, if you don’t listen, if you think you are always right, your partner will fight back, no one likes that, and in the end you are having fights all the time...you should make an effort, open your heart, be someone with a open mind, with a ideal of our love is the most important thing, so don’t use a little to start a battle!!!

today i know, today i learn my lesson, if one day i go back with my love, maybe we have a discussion here and there, like every couple have, not nothing bigger, and i promise, i sure, i will not be a intolerant stubborn man, i will be putting our love on top of everything, she is my love, she is compass, how can i fight with her??? i cannot, i will not!!! i love her!!

Choice

Every day we make a choice, some times without even thinking about it, we choose what to wear, what to eat, we keep choosing all our life’s, but can we choose the one we love???? Can you decide to love someone???

I don’t think i can choose you i love, i simply love, i simply am in love with the must beautiful girl in this world, and its true, for me she is the most beautiful girl in the world, there is nothing better them see her laugh!!! it like a magic feeling, so make her laugh, to see her smile, to know that for that instant she is happy, she is laughing, you may say, its a small thing, its just a laugh, but for me it isn’t, its a true magic moment, i make my love laugh, its a great feeling!!!

i didnt choose to love her, love touch my soul, she touch my heart, and yet when she had to move i choose to stay, that was a choice, and a bad one, but it was a choice...i choice i regret, and i sometimes we dont see how the choices, even the tiny ones we do everyday, like for example, the last 3 mails i send to my love, tiny mails, with a little photo, or just say, have a great day, she decide not to replay, it was a choice, maybe she think its a small thing, not important, we speak almost every week on the photo, she says, thank for the mail, but she didnt reply, i have to be honest, its not the end of the world, but i would like a little replay, i always replay, even is just to put a smile on the answer!

it a choice i make, its related to what is important for me, we made choices based on what is important for us, we set ourselves priorities, most of us say, the most important thing is my love, my family, and yet we spend loads of time in our offices, in our work, why??? is the work that important? nooo, its the money it brings, but wouldn’t we be as happy with less cash??? i see people say they are unhappy because they cannot afford a trip to distant place in holidays, to buy a expensive jacket...i wonder, why we choose to chase all the material things and forget to chase the happiness in your hearts??? why we make this choices???

Why i chose to stay when my love left??? today the choice would have been different, i would have go!!! i would have decide to go and leave with her!!! life is ultimate prove, it shows us the right and wrong of our decisions, and most of us say they decide, but just say it is not enough, we have to do!!! we need to work hard for what we decide!!!

i didn’t decide to fall for my love it happen, it was the best thing in my life, it bring joy, love, pain, despair, and i am still here, fighting for her love, maybe it would have been to say, hey, its over, i move on, that would be a choice, a really bad one!!! i cannot chose to stop loving her, i cannot chose this when my heart is still in love!!! what i can chose is to make sure that if we go back together to work all the little things, all the decisions i take in life will be based on what is best for us, as a family, as group, as a love, to chose to construct a life that is full of love and dedication, this is my choice, right now its just my choice, i don’t know what my love thinks, i can only hope that the second chance i want so much will be here one day...i made my choice, i chose to love Anna!!!!

Social status and money

Today after my sport session, i was talking to a friend of mine, he works for a big multinational organisation, and he is based in Sweden, he took all his family with him, his wife, and his two kids! His wife use to teach in primary school, she didn’t made a lot of money, teacher salaries are bad everywhere, and because he was going for 5 years, she quit her job and went with him.

This is a totally accepted thing, a man moves his wife follows and quits her job, how it would be the opposite? His wife getting the job and he quits his job??? it not correct, why???? And this is one of the things we talk a lot today, in my friends company, he told me there is lot of women in high places where the husband quit their jobs and follow the wife’s, and no one cares, it’s a decision of each couple!!! 

We joke that we would mind not working, that we would have more time to our sport!!! On the way home i start to think how even today society places to much attention in social order and status!!! and how even if we say no, let this things control our lifes!! We are afraid what people my think, he is home??? he doesn’t have a job??? he is living at his wife’s expenses??? 

In fact there is difference, a huge difference living at your wife, husband expanses and quitting your job!!!! You can quit your job, and get another job, a new job, a new thing, you have a job, you have an activity, and you are not dependent on your wife or husband!!! Maybe there will a big salary and a smaller salary, but if you share a life, if you share a house, if you have a child, there is no my money and your money, there is our money!!! My grandparents are old, they are married for more than 50 years, and they have only one bank account, all their life’s they put the money in one common account, and my grandmother was in control of the account, they had the fixed expenses and them the day to day money, the money for holidays, and the little money for each of them to buy things for them.

They never fought about money, they never say...i am making more money them you...you are spending too much money...my grandfather told me, money is not important, a life project is, a sharing of a project, the construction of a common life, and they build this life together, money was just there to give them what they wanted, not big cars or houses, but a common life with love!!!

We give to much importance to things, cars, clothes, watches, phones, computers, and we forget what is important, in life, like love, like sharing a moment, like holding hands in park, embracing your love in a cold evening!!! This doesn’t cost any money....

you can have it all, big car, expensive house, all the material things you want and need, and you arrive to all of that and there is no one to share, there is no one in your life, you will get old, you will have no money problems, you will buy all the things you want, but you will be alone, you will never be happy....

I have lots of "toys" i spend a lot of money in "toys", i have things i don’t use, that when i was 18 i would never consider owning, but because of the how much it cost, but because they where no necessary!!! How much of us have two computers, or 3??? how many phones??? How much of us change phone every year??? How many clothes do we have that we don’t use?? And we keep buying more and more!! And we say, i don’t make enough money, but how much cost love???? Nothing!!! How much cost sharing a kiss with your love? Nothing!!! And yet we don’t value this!! We think i need a good job is more important, because i will make good money, my money!!!

How many of us have separated bank accounts of our loves??? a lot!!!! Why??? Because we are afraid, because it’s our money, and you think if i have a joint account she/he will take all my money!!! Why do we think like that??? don’t you love??? don’t you trust the person you love?? are you afraid?? this love is not forever?? One thing about good about find love later in life, losing it, and fight for it, is you learn what is real, what is important, and I hope, and I will work on this every day, if I go back to my love, we will never separate again!! never, my love for her is forever, I know this now, so I am not afraid!!

lately I arrived home to an empty house, there is no one to kiss me, there is no one for me to share my problems, there is no one to love, all the rest, the material things, don’t matter, you learn the real value of things, if you think that coming home to a big house, full of stuff, in a big car, with a huge bank account, but all alone is better, then you will never love, you don’t know what is the beauty of love, you don’t know what is to build a life at two, my grandparent in a very simple way show me this, i hope on day i can start a journey with my love, a journey that one day i can tell my love child and our child, that the more important value we have in ours life’s is not money, it’s not statues, is not things, it’s the love between two persons who love each other!!!

A glass of red wine

A glass of red wine, its more them a simple glass, its symbol of losing a strict and monolithically  approach to life, this is what a glass of red means to me, its a strange thing, how a little thing like just have one glass of red wine at home could mean so much!!!

Having a nice glass of red wine, with a bit of cheese, in the end of the meal, or while you relax with a book, it would be something i wouldnt do a few months ago, why??? 

Because i had this one dinension approach to life, i don’t drink, i don’t compromise!!!! i don’t compromise this is concept extend to a lot of things, i wouldnt be able to listen to see the other side, i was always right, i was sure that my opinion was always the right one!!! ever!!!

I stop all the chances of listen, to be open to new things, while my love would have a glass of red wine  i wouldn’t, with no reason, simply because i wouldnt drink wine, because it was part of my "image"...is this normal? i dont know!!!

You cannot cast rules in stone and think they are absolute true, that you apply them forever, things change when you let someone enter your life, you need to be open, you need to listen, you need to try new things!!! you are not one, you are two!!!!!

I now have glass of red wine, its a thing i do somedays,  instead of being in front of a tv set, watching at this stupid tv series, i now, set outside, a book, glass of red wine and a bit of cheese, and you know something??? it didnt change anything in me, i didnt turn in coach potato, i didnt push less weight at the gym, in fact i enjoy this relaxing moments, it a strange fact that i was able to break this prison of routines, of rules, i am become a better person, a person that can compromise, that can learn, that can share!!

I have to thank my love to show me this, to open my heart so i can be a better person, i change a lot in the last months, i am slowly becoming a better version of me, this is a process that moves every day, since the beginning of this year, day by day, i am turning in to a better person!!

What changed? Why i change now??? because i know what is really important for me, because i face the fact i could lose my love for ever, because i realize that if i don’t do nothing someone will, and my love will be with another man, there is nothing more shocking for a man in love them face the change to lose his love, when you face this, it can bring the best in you, it make you a better person, it can make you question, you will think a lot, it make you grow up, learn, fight for your love, or can bring the worse in you, accuse her, be bitter, be a nasty person...it’s a choice that each one makes, you cannot decide, its in you, it’s who you are!!!

I now would hope for a day where i am at home with my love, having nice glass of red wine, talking and sharing our life’s, sharing the troubles that life will bring to us, and by sharing, by being there for each other making the smaller, making us see the best side in life!!!!

This is what a glass of red wine means to me, its like symbol that i can change! i simbol that i am right track!

kids

I always wanted kids, but i was not ready to have them, i remember that when i was younger i would joke i would like to have 6 kids!!! This because most of my friends had lots of brothers and sister, not like me, and their houses look always like it was a birthday!!!!

So from a early age i was always looking to have kids, and yet, many years later i still have none!! what happen??? what went wrong??? nothing and a lot!!!! I didn’t love no one so much i that wanted to have kid!!! This is until i meet my love!!!!!

It was the first time in my life i ask myself the question, should we have kids, but i get afraid, we were just starting a new relationship, my love child was young, it was the not the right time....the right time, will be any time that is perfect??? i regret this today, i don’t know if we having a child would have made a difference, i don’t know, i know that this was a real chance, and i let it go....this is one of things I regret more, sometimes it just eats me inside....

Today i regret this, today one of my biggest wish is to have a child, but having a child is not something you should take lightly, it’s a tremendous responsibility, its a huge thing, you should never bring a child to this world if you are not sure you can be a great parent!!! 

there is never a right time, there is always a risk, there is always fear, but a kid is joy, is love, its a celebration of your love, dont be afraid, dont wait for what you consider the right time, you have a women you love? are you truly in love?  them what is the question??? today i learn, if i could turn back time i would had a kid or two with Anna...dont be like me...trust your love!!!

I know my love would be a perfect mother, i know this, i see the results, i see her dedication, her love, she is the mother every child should have to be their mother. i know she would love to have another kid, but its not a thing to consider if you are not in stable relationship!!!! i want to be father, but i don’t want to be the husband of any women, i simply dont want to go long for a women just to have kid, it wouldnt be right or fair!!

i want my love to be the mother of my kids, i want to have a child with my love!!! i want to share the joy of parenthood with her, i want to kiss her belly, i want to tell stories to our unborn child, i want to pamper my love while she gets more pregnant i want to be there in the magic hour, i want to hold her hand, i want to hear our child cry to the first time, i sometimes get very emotional with this, I get a tear in my eye... i want to see our child grow..

I will not make the mistake i would have done a few years ago, which was, i would lead the life of this child, i would "arrange" the child to do the "right" sport, the "right" way, no, i learn my lesson, the role of being a father, a parent is to let your child grow, you should give them the chances to see what they like, and support their choice, not force a choice in them!!!! its about respect them. its about they take their own choices!!  this is one of the biggest challenges in being a parent, not try to life a second life in your child, not to try to impose things on them, let them be their own, today i am know, today i am ready to be a good father!!!

having a child is the ultimate love, it’s a something magic, deep bound between two persons, and i know, my love already had a child, not mine, i love that that child like it was mine, but its not, this doesnt change we can be all a family, thatwe can all be a happy family!!!

I hope, i pray that one day my love will have a child with me, what can I promise her? that love for her and the child will never stop, that they will be love like no one else in this world, that i would do everything to make us a great family, a true family, can there will be something more beautiful them this???? 

life is full of suprises, of choices, of challenges, of pain and joy, that is way its a long journey, i hope my journey will be getting soon to the area were love will fill my heart!!!!!

TV

Tv, television, one of the most common things in a house, a thing that takes away all your social life, its a strange process love, i was a big tv fan, i use to see a lot of tv, i would seat and watch lots of series, one after the other, hours on end, zapping the channels.

I use to complain when i would reach a holiday place and there was only a few local channels, i would think, that is bad, i was one time with my love in a isolated place where we had no tv at all, and i was complaining that with a tv we would be better...

Today, i am not with my love, i have a tv with 102 channels and i dont see any, i see maybe 30 minutes of tv a day, in a day with lots of tv, like a Saturday or Sunday i see 1 hour, i lost interest in tv, i lost interest in zapping back and forward, you don’t see nothing, just a bit the news and thats it....

You don’t need a tv, you don’t need 102 channels, you don’t need to look at the tv and pretend you have a life, live your life, for real, enjoy it, not waste time in a room looking at a box!!!!

For me tv is over, i  listen to music, i read, it’s strange my love gave a few books, she use to read a lot, and i didn’t read much, now i read,???? its so funny, or sad, that i would be a much better man for her now!!!! what happen, how this happen???? i just grow up, i think this is the best way to explain it, i grow up, i grow inside of me, i realize that that trip we made together, we didn’t need any outside distractions, we had each other, we talk, we cook, we walk, we saw the stars, this is what made that trip special, you don’t need a tv, or dvd, maybe you can have dvd if you take a child with you, but if its just you and your love, you don’t need more them her, take some good books, can you think about anything better them your love reading a book while leaning against you??? i cannot, this would be a dream moment for me, we together, in the mountains, listen to water flowing, the wind, and her with her head against me while we both read a book, this must be one of the most intimate moments you can have, where you look in each other eyes, and you know how much love there is between us!!!

Love made me better, made me understand better life!!! i hope i can improve one day my love life also!!!

Love is not plural!!!!!! love is singular!!!!

Today i after finish my sport, i found a old friend, i found him by change in the bar of the place i do my sports, we went through high school together, and we were part of a close group that would go in holidays together and would chase the girls together, when we were in high school, sometimes with not with a lot of success, but we had fun!!! i didn’t see him for more them 10 years, i went to his weeding, i know his wife, know two of his 4 kids, i don’t know the two youngest ones, it was a pleasant surprise, we talk, and like in most of this cases we talk a lot about life, about what is happening, and i was talking, about my life, about find the beauty in women, a child, having a family and losing them, its guy talk so there is not a lot of details, it’s just the big picture....

them my friend start telling me, about the fact he is having an affair, he is having an affair with a office colleague, that this is 3 affair he had since he is married, he start telling me about how great he is felling that he has this younger girl, that he goes to have dinner with her, that he spend time with her in nice hotels, while tells his wife is either working late or went to outside his city on business travel, that her is making him feel alive, that she is doing wonders to his ego, but them he tells me he "loves" his wife, that he is not going to leave her and his 4 kids...and i am starting to feel pissed, annoyed, this is a very touchy subject for me....and i ask him, what do you say to the girl you are having the affair??? he tells me that he told her, that is marriage is bad, that he loves her, that he is thinking about living his wife....that she is the women of his life...that he just thinks of her...he starts laughing..and says...and she believes it!, i am getting real pissed...

I ask him how long this is going? Two years!!! this girl is being filled with hope, she is hoping one day she will be happy, and in fact she will be not, because she is being used, i don’t know if in intentional way or not, by my friend....and its the 3 time!!! he had already 3 other fairs since he is married!!!! and he was bragging about this...i look at him, i know his wife, i know two of his kids, what type of person had he become???

i left, i left, I don’t know this guy any more, what he stands for, is not what I stand for, dont know if can still be his friend, I don’t know, and i was thinking, what type of person can say to girl, a women, i love you, i will do anything for you, you are everything to me, make love to her, leave her, goes home to his wife and say the same, make love to her, like everything is perfect????? how can you change persons like you change a shirt?? How can you do that??? Oh yes i know there is thousands, millions of people doing this every day, but this doesn’t change the fact that is pure cheating and you are abusing the other person, and love is not!!!

how the girl or man, because this could happen to both, think, she loves, he loves me and yet it’s just an illusion, you keep hoping, you fight for what you think its love, and you are just being used...if you love her, them be with her!!! singular, be a man!!!! one love!!!

I never understood this, love is a feeling that is singular, you cannot love two persons, you can said it, you can try to lie to others and yourself, but you cannot really love two persons, you can only be true to one, the other will be a side things!!! For me there is only space in my heart for one, for one love!!! i cannot fall for another girl, doesn’t matter how amazing she could be, while i have love in my heart, i cannot, i just space for one!! 

i dont understand how people say, i love her, but i also love the "other", sorry, no, that is not true, if you are able to say this you dont love none, you are lying!! love change you, i understand, you can be married, you can have a girlfriend, a stable relationship, and them you find some one....you feel love, if its love, true love, you will stop at nothing, you will not be having a affair, that is not love, that is lust, sex, call whatever you wanted, but its not love, if you love, you just want that person, you dont want any body else, that person is everything to you, there is nothing else....its so simple...

you will cut all the ties, you will do the right thing, you will need to be "single" to embrace love, love is a singular feeling, if you can say that you love two persons ...you love no one....

Today i am even more sure for what i feel, and see that you can say all you want, but lets say that you are in sinking ship, and you can only save one person...if you love is so simple, you dont even need to think, you know, its a instant, that is love....but if you look around, if you need to start thinking, maybe her...or her...or maybe me....them you dont love no one...how can you say that you love two persons??? you cannot, it’s very simple, you can only safe one person, you cannot say, I save them both, or half of each, or this one can be safe on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, the other on the rest of the week, no, it’s just one, it’s just one person that you can safe, the same is with love...one love!!!! when you are truly in love, when face with this question, you will you safe? You don’t need to think, you say, I save my love!!!! Singular!! Love is for one!! And only one!!!

This is me, one love, forever!!! I hope she one day can know how much i love her, how much i care about her!!!

Every day effort

Today during the day, while i was eating lunch in restaurant, with a beach in front, i was watching the kids playing and some parents looking the paper with a bored look in the faces, couples fighting for some minor things, couples who seat with newspapers and magazines, and let the kids play, like they stop caring.

If you look around, if you look at your friends, maybe even relatives, how much of this relationships are a fake, people who stop long time ago to make an effort, still they stay together, for a public show, because that is the "right" thing, but they are not happy because they don’t want to make an effort, i wacth their interation with thekids, there is no happinsess, they shout, they are indifferent, they are very intolerent, like its their kids faults that their lifes are not bettrer, they are strict, always saying NO, dont do that seat here, stand strait!!!! i was eating and i was watching and i was thinking, i could i think being strict was a good thing???

i saw this kids, they had no joy in their eyes, i saw today lots couples where an effort is not done long time ago!!!

A family, a relationship is something with the life, if you don’t feed it, if you don’t treat well, if you don’t invest in it with will die, it will stop, today i had a lesson in life, people break up, divorce, lose their loves and try to look for outside answers, maybe they should look inside their hearts, how much did i invest in making this person happy???

its not about buying expensive gifts, it’s not about how much money you have, is how much you show to the person you love she is the most important thing to you, how much times you told her how beautiful she is, how much you surprise her with a little card, a flower, a surprise office visit, a kiss when she doesn’t expects it, a love declaration? if stop feeding your relationship, just like any flower, it will dry and die!!! and then you have just two people on table, each one reading a different set of papers and both shouting at their kids...this is sad, because this two people in the past love each other, they stop is caring!!!!

I lost my love, not because we didn’t love each other, because we move apart, different job locations, and we talk on the phone every day, but its not the same was being there, you come home to an empty house, you speak with your love for 30 minutes and everything is fine, no its not fine, its about also with waiting and risk, you cannot wait, you cannot be afraid, you cannot take care of a flower if you are not there every day to feed and water it, its the some with a relationship, you need to be present, you need to be there, and you need to make an effort every day!!!!! Maybe you say, its too much, she knows, you are being a wimp!!! NOOOO!!! how can say its to much to show how much you love someone? How can you say i am wimp to show to the women i love how much i care about her!!!! its not about being needy or possessive, is about being nice, its about creating an environment where she knows she is loved and secured!!! its about bring her happiness!!!

if you fail to do this, you run the risk that someone else will offer her this....so don’t be stupid, if you don’t love, fine, don’t do the effort, but i love, i love so much it hurts, i can promise her, we will be never like the couples i saw today, we will be always happy, because i will never take our love for granted, and i will keep it always alive!! every day effort!!!!!

Wait?

We pass by life like we are eternal, we think we will live forever, we think, i will do that later, we plan our life’s like we are going to live thousands of years, like youth, good times will last forever.

We wait, we wait to ask the person you love out, because its not the right time, because we can do later, we don’t get kids because we will be in better condition one day, we don’t get married because you don’t have the right job, we don’t move close to our love because the perfect job is still not there...

we wait, and wait, and what do we get? we get to waste our life’s, we blow the chances of being happy, of having a great life with the person you love, because you waited for "a better" situation....this may never happen, and when you realize the mistake you did, it may be too late, and because you decide to wait, you blow your chances!!!

this doesn’t mean we all get crazy and don’t be patient, don’t give time for things to happen, i just say we sometimes wait to much, we keep hoping for the future, but we don’t do the necessary effort to change things, and we wait for someone thing to change, we don’t because proactive, we become a passenger of life, instead a driver of life!!!!! If you are driver of life and you want to move to point A to point b, there is a journey, it take time to get there, you need a way to get there, but being a driver of life is, i don’t have a car, i will go by bike, i will run, i will walk, you take your life in your hands, if you are passenger, you wait, you wait someone, something takes you there, it may happen, but must likely it will not!!!

I was a passenger of life, when my love move from the city we share a life, i stay, and waited, i wait for something to take me there, it was wrong, this was a reason i lost my love, but i learn from that decision, that my life today could have been so different, so much better, if i decide back them to be a driver of life,and took my chances, are there risks??? of course, every journey we do there is a risk involved, but if you don’t take risk you don’t live!!!

We cannot to wait forever, we cannot think life will bring us good things, we need to work for what we want, we need to understand that life is a fast journey, i look back at my life and it seems yesterday i left high school, it was been more then 20 years!!! i look forward and i don’t to realize that soon the time i have is gone, i am not going to live forever, and yet most of us behave exactly like that!! we don’t realize that we need to take chances,now, not later, not next year, not in 2 years, now!!!!we need to take control of what we want.

Love change me, change the way i see things, and i don’t have now the love of my special beautiful girl, what i have is hope, i have hope that the women i love will be back to me, that we can be a family together, that we can be all complete again!!!

I have to take decisions, to drive my life forward, i have to start the journey in the hope that soon will be on to my love lives, that i can start showing her how much i love her, and hope that she can love me back!!!

Don’t wait to be happy, don’t wait for ever, if you want to be happy work for it, if the women you love is worth the risk you take, them the rest doesn’t matter, don’t wait for the right conditions, you run the risk when everything is there, she will no longer will be available to love you, and them all the rest is not important, because you lost the most important thing in your life!!!!

I start a journey, a path,my direction is clear, my mind is clear and i am willing to take all the risks!!! 

Better person!!!

One thing this love had brought me is i am much better person, i all senses!!! i am was a good person, but i was not a great person, i was self-centred, i was a bit selfish with me and my time, i was centred in routines, all the things in my life where centred around me...

With my love i learn the value of sharing, i learn to think about others, but while i share a live with my love i was not yet ready, i was still thinking I was the most important thing, what i learn after we separate, is i am not the most important thing, we both are, we need to build a life base on sharing, we both are important, we must create a bound that brings us together, where we go through live not as two single persons, but as one team, one unit!!!

today i understand better the value of sharing, i learn to understand, to listen, to see there is a life outside mine, and its not only this, its the way i deal with other, its the traffic, i use to be shout and insult the other, this annoyed my love a lot, now i know she was right!!! Its a while since i show the finger in traffic, its over, i don’t shout, i don’t insult, its over, i don’t let this get to me anymore, it the effect that the love of a beautiful women have in you, its her goodness that come in to me.

Today i am ready to love, to real love, to share my life with someone, not simply live in the same space with someone, no, now i am ready to be a team, a unit, to be best friend, a listener, a shoulder, a lover!!!

its so strange that you have to lose your love to imporve, but when you lose the person you love,when she is there, just in from of you, talking to you, and you cannot kiss her, when you cannot say how much you love, its hard, but this shacks your life, makes you question yourself, makes you see what is important, and all of this make you new person, a better, because you see the righ and wrong so clear, its so painful to see that you had the perfect person and you are now fighting desperately for something that you had before, and a i better person, i am cable now to make my love so happy, i am ready to be the man she always wanted, i am now ready to be a husband!!!

and i face the possibility that this will never happen, and i have to lose her, i dont want to give my love to another girl, i don’t want to make the life of another girl a paradise, no, i want to make the life of my love a pure joy!!!!

I promise that if my love take me back she will be surprised, she will find in me a new improved person, if you thinking people cannot get better, see me, see how much i am better now, don’t lose your love to understand how much she is important to you!!! 

You don’t have many chances of true happiness in life, so don’t waste yours, i found my true love, and i lost it!!! dont do like me!!

Afraid

I am trying to see how this person, who means so much to me, and i am afraid, i have to be honest, i am afraid she will not love again, i am petrified, its one of the most scary things in my mind, that she doesn’t love me back!!!! that will never will see her again...

When you start fresh is different, there is not past, there is not story, everything is new, i have past with my love, we lived together and there was perfect moments and fights. We had bad moments and great moments, one thing she maybe be afraid is to open her heart to me again because she is afraid that we will return to a situation where we will be fighting, we fight for mainly two things, my approach to her child, and me not being a very flexible person!!!! i was not, its true, i was use to a routine, to habits, and i was also a "smartass" i was always right...and she is afraid that i will be the same person as before, this is the bad part because i know now i am a person who will always loved her, and i changed!!

i must tell her, show her, she doesn’t need to be afraid, i changed, i am a different person, it like i say in the post change, i learn what is important for me, i had a life change moment, it was a phone conversation with my love about a month ago, she told me something’s about her recently life, this news was a shock and revelation to me, you start thinking, for the next days you keep thinking about your life, about choices, about the way you decide to lead your life..

i took a long honest look at myself, maybe for the first time in my life, it so much more easy to say, it was not my fault, i did everything right...it was her fault...his fault, no, in this case i have to tell the truth, i have a big responsibility, it was not maybe on a conscientious way , but it still i create a situation that i cause the real problems!

I am afraid i don’t get a second chance, i am afraid she will not see how much i care for her, and how much she would be happy with me!!!! i am truly afraid for this!!

My love my be afraid to start a new life with me, i still don’t have a job in the city she lives, i am working in a few chances, but they are not permanent jobs, there is job with a duration of 2 to 4 years, and my love maybe is afraid what will happen after that??? Will i leave? i let her go once, and i did not follow her, i can tell her, i will never will leave again, never!!!! its not a permanent job its true, but it gives me time to get a permanent one, or get another one to extent my time in there, today work for life is a very rapid disappearing thing!!! We must believe in yourself and create a professional and financial future that will be give me a chance to be there with her for ever!!!

I am afraid i dont get a proper job, yes, its true, i am afraid, i am afraid about will happen if i get a job for 4 years and them what will happen after???  its ok to be afraid, but its not ok to stop acting because you are afraid, i am much more afraid of losing my love, i am more afraid of doing nothing, so i will take the risk and when the situation comes, if it will comes i will deal with it, but i cannot is fear control me, and lose my love because of this!!!!

She shouldn’t be afraid of taking a chance with me, with my love, i can show her, that the life she will always dream will be there for her, because she deserves it, and because i am not afraid of giving her all my love!!!

We shouldnt let fear stop us from loving, we shouldnt stop fear to get involved, can i be hurt, maybe, but it would hurt much more if you have a chance of finding true love and lost it because you were afraid? is this so much worse? we shouldnt let fear control our lifes, if we have half a chance of being happy we should take it both hands, love is a very rare thing, and you never know if you will find again, so dont be afraid, open your heart, i will not be going any where, i am here for you and your love, for ever and ever!!

So my love don’t be afraid to love me, lets lose the fear and start a magic life where the next stop should be celebrate our love with one child of our own, this is my biggest wish!!!!

friends

What are you with some that you love deeply and madly? You are not her boyfriend, you are not in a relationship, what are you? Friends? i hope so! i was always my love friend, i hope that she can see me as a friend, that the base of any relationship is friendship, to know you can go with someone on a travel, on a journey and know you will have fun, that you will enjoy it, that you will laugh, that you smile!!

this is what i expect my love to see in me know, yes, i told a few weeks ago, in a very intense moment for me and her all things i had in my heart, all my feelings, and i don’t know if i did the right thing, i am not sure what she feels for me now, and i am afraid that she don’t want to see me, its the little things, and the little things have a big impact, like, i will call, i will send you mail, it me being honest, i can lie, but i cannot lie to the women love, i made her promise to always be honesgt, and i live with this promise, boyfriend, husband or friend!!!! honesty is very important,its a thing!!!

Being a friend to the women you love,but its very important, its a way to show who you really are, to show that you changed, that you  walk the friendship road, to let this grow in to love, the base of any love should be friendship!!!

I prove to her i can be her friend, a honest and true friendship, there is nothing i wouldnt do for her, and i hope that doesn’t matter what happen, i can always smile when i see her, my love went to with two other relationships and when they finished, it was not nice, maybe she should understand that the only man who was here for her, even when he didn’t had her love was me, even when we separated, we were always friends!!!

i am friend? i am in love? yes to both, but one thing doesn’t exclude the other, you can love your best friend, and its the best love you can get, because you know what person you are falling in lovet!!!

I need not to pressure her, when we go out, i should be the perfect friend, not ask her about where will we will be in the future, but take magic back in life, so her face is light with the must beautiful smile in the world, so she laugh, i love to her laugh, i love to see her happy, this is the most important thing for me, to see her happy, to know she is happy!!!!!

being a friend is giving her time and space, to be patient, to be there, to listen, to support, not to judge, to give care and attention, yes, i am a friend, and will always will be!!!

This friendship is the most important thing now for me,but i am being true to my words? i am just looking to be a friend? i am looking to be back at my love??? i am being honest with her? can i be just her friend?  right now my heart has a lot of love, can i be with her, and be her friend, can i hide and close all this feelings??? can i trully say yes???? honest, i dont know!!!

Patient

I keep telling myself life is a long process, a journey that you cannot predicted and imagine even the future, if i was told in the 2002 that i would love someone so much, i would say no, not possible, if i was told in 2007 i would be alone now, i would say, not a change in hell, and yet both things happen....good and bad...

Sometimes things in life happen at different pace and happen with a very different plan, life gives and takes back, i need to learn this, and need to learn that trying to rush things can be a very bad thing.

I need to learn to give time, to learn to respect my love intentions and give her time, and space, its not with deadlines, with threats, with pressure that you will show you are committed to her love!!!

There is this old say, if you love someone set them free, you need to learn to give time, to respect, to learn to have patient, yes, its not easy, when you love you don’t spend time away from your love, you want to see your love every day, you want to be there, to share, to love, but this can work against you, you shouldn’t put pressure, you should learn to wait, to make sure that your love one is ready for you!!!

I already made this mistake, i mistake of love, but its still a mistake, there is a time for everything in life, you need to make sure don’t rush things, give her time, give her space, sometimes she need to find herself, to find what is important in her soul, by rushing things you may lose the person you love the most!!!

When you love someone, and you want to be back with her, this is not competition to see in what time you can conquer her, it’s not a thing you can put a time on it, and i must use this power to resist the pressure of rushing things and let things happen in a natural way, i need to give her and me time!!

I am not stopping, i am not giving up, i am fighting for the most important thing in my life, time is not the main thing, her love is, and if i have to wait, i will wait, i dont want to try to speed things and in fact just destroy the thing that means more to me.

Love like life is a long journey, one day at the time, one moment at the time, what matter is what you feel in your heart, and learn to be patient, she is worth all this and more!!! When you saw the love of your life, when you find the person that touch your soul its so hard to wait, but if you need to wait, to learn to be patient, i will...or i will not resist, as i am writting this i know i am not doing what i say, here, i hope i can get a grip on myself, i am not being patient....i hope i can learn...that is way aslo i write this, and i have the feeling i and not right on this one!!