It has been a year i wrote a post, i am writing this one, not because nothing change in my life, in fact i am starting to think, doesnt matter how nice you are, how well you treat others, life will keep its path and you getting nothing....
today i was supposed to be in the place where everything started, but i am not, not because i didnt want to go, not because i have love in life, not because i forgot what i promise....
sometimes life change your plans, you can try to fight back, and i tried, but this time it was not possible, i have to work, like almost all of us i need to work, and today in the afternoon, i have to go and speak in a conference, i try to change the date, i try that some of my colleague went in my place instead, but i didnt find no one....i couldnt find a replacement...for the others i am not being nice, why i am being so difficult? why i dont want to go and do my job and speak in this conference...hey...its in 5 star hotel, free food...like i care for those things....but in the end, there is no one else, i had to go and speak...so i am going to a conference...and talk...considering that i live in a different country, its no possible to talk, take plane and be there today, i will be there in my spirit, i will be there next year...
this blog was about Anna? one year after my last post...do I see her? did we become more "close"?, no, she even speak to me like friends?, no, i see her and her child, sometimes...when i see then walking, when we cross our paths in the street, in park, this may have been less then 5 times last year....we dont have any connections any more, we dont go for coffees, we talk a few times, a bit, that's it...i didnt wanted this, but this is what i have, and even today i always feel strange when i see her, i dont know how to deal with her....she will always will be special to me.....and i am never happy with this situation...i would have prefer other ways...but life goes one...i wish life was different but its not...
i meet some one...it was almost two years ago, we are friends, i trully like her, when i meet her...from the first moment i trully like her...she help me recover, she was a ray of light in my life, she show me that i could feel again....to today, she is my inspiration, i told her how i felt...i was shoot down...we become friends....good friends...i didnt try anything....but with time..with me seeing her, talking to her...i found this amazing person..its so much more them her beauty, its so much more them her way to dance, her laugh....she is a person who will light any dark room, just by being there....i found this person who brings the best in me, who inspire me to do better things, when i am with her i feel so good, i love her smile...i love her tenacity in live, i admire her fighting spirit....even if i know its a lost case, i fall for her...have true feelings for her, i think i could make her so happy....i try to show her...there are still good men, i try to do all the right things...i try to prove it every day, i try to show her not with words but with actions that she can always can count with me...if i had a chance i would do all the things she deserves, i would do all the things i say here, i would make sure every day she feels loved, she feels special,
but nothing happen.....the lesson i took from life is you need to try to be honest to you, you must take risks, happiness will not come nock at your door...if you dont take risk nothing will happen!!! will you get hurt' very much a possibility...will you suffer?? almost sure...so why do it? because love is the best thing you can have, what can be better them share your life side by side of someone you love??
maybe i am not young enough, not handsome enough, not fit enough,,,.maybe i am not the best dancer...maybe there is others guys who are better them me...i dont know...
i only know that i am honest with me, even if i know that i will lose..i still here..being happy taking a risks..
we all think during hard times, i will never love again...i will be in a dark place for the rest of my life, maybe some one will come an amazing person, hope will raise again in your heart...
life is not about what we say....we may say nice things, but you show what you mean with actions, its actions that change things, prove a point...words...like leaves in a windy day....just blown away....if all have decisions, options....when you take a option, when you make a choice, you must take it...this choice makes you show to others how much you care or not...you can say many things, but when you take a option, a action..this is the real you...the rest...its just make believe...
i learn and i do what i say in here....i promise and i do, there is no doubts, no excuses, i do, i did it for Anna and i did and will do it for any other girl....but like i learn....there is a point that you have to let it go...you cannot carry on...like i say in the cinema paradiso post...i will try, i will try until there is no more hope...only them i will thing...maybe its time to carry on my path alone....
so i keep my fight with life, i keep walking my path, but i start to believe, my path will lead to many things..but i start to wonder if there is a happy end, maybe there is a sort of different happy end...maybe there is end...maybe this is not what i wanted...for sure its not what i wanted...but i have only two options....stop and "cry" my fate, or keep walking, and the more you walk, the less you feel, the less the look back, the less you look for scenery, you keep your eyes on the road...you keep moving forward...to where? i dont know...and every day i know it less...
i need to go to the conference.....life like to show you that you have no control, that you can do what ever you want, you can be the best person in this planet, you can do all the right things...it doesnt matter...you are not going to get any break....this is how feel today...
like is a long journey, we should not stop because the past is bad...because we were hurt...we need to believe, we need to have hope....we need to conquer the pain of our past, with the hope of our future!! keep fighting....keep being honest...and keep looking for that person who will make you the must happy person in this world...i just have found her...i hope she can "find" me also....
i dont let the past block my future, i am in a path which i dont know where it will lead, there is no sure happy end, in fact all the indication point toward another failure, but i learn one thing, if you love, if you care for some one, then you should fight, you should not give up, find a person you care is the most precious thing in this life, so fight for it, even if you think you will lose, even if you are afraid...even if you think you will suffer....live, be a warrior, be a man, be honest with yourself, what can more important that fight for the one you love? i cannot think of anything even remotely as important...so this is my path today, fighting for love....every day, with all my courage, with all my heart..where it will lead? i dont know, but this doesnt stop me for trying!
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