17 february 2014

today is 17 of February, i am a man of word, i say i would be in the place where everything started, and today i was there, its not a simple thing, i dont live in this country anymore, i had to take a plane, its a 2 hours and half flight, i need to ask a day off from work, to keep my world, i need to be committed, you need to do some effort, but i am a man of my word, you shouldnt say i will do....unless you are really doing to do it! this is a special day, its special for so many reasons, its day that i need to celebrate, its a mark in my life in my struggle, its a prove to me and others, we are not all empty promises!!

and yes, i am writing a new post, why? i dont know, maybe because of the most simple reason, i need to write it, maybe to say to people, to show, there is people out there who live by what they say, and i place two photos, one of the place, and one of me, i dont know if i will let them stay here, for now i there are, so people see, yes, i am real, the place exist, this is the view, yes, it was a grey day, yes, there was rain, but i kept my word, this is important to me, to keep my word, i have a few things that i kept, my word, my determination to help others, and my tolerance...

one year have passed since the last time i was here but i am better, i am walking my path, i did consider if i should come, to keep my word, and i decide to come, and i get a day very close to last year in terms of time, but very different in terms of state of mind...

i did come a long way, today while i was seated, i see the people coming in, the couples, young, old, in holidays, just for a short break, just a nice walk in the afternoon, people who share a purpose, a life, a destiny...you learn to see others, you can see beyond the obvious, you can see the people who share, who are in love, who truly care, and the ones who dont even look at each other...you sometimes almost want to scream, you stupid person, dont you see what you are doing??? you are losing your love...

i keep asking myself, did i fight to the end? could i have done more? was there anything else i should have tried? and i know the answer is that i did everything, this is the logic answer, in my mind, there will be always some doubt, there will always be same questions, but know i fought beyond the limit, i  fought when even after i should have quit, but i didnt, i did everything i could, maybe too late, maybe i should have done earlier, now its to easy to judge, but i did everything i could do...and that gives me peace of mind, that i left no worries or doubts in my life...

love? i do have some one special, i like some one, i trully do, but have the feeling i have the fighting its a another lost battle, but i decide to face the pain, to take risks, yes, maybe its better not to go out, to defend yourself from pain, but this means who will never found true love, you will be afraid to figth for your love, yes, love is a risk, a gamble, but you shouldnt be afraid, you should fight for the things you feel!!

i am doing this right now, i know i maybe will lose, that i face pain, that i face another walk in hell, but i am alive, i am living, i am trully alive!!!

i seat today in there, see the river, i remember all the things that happen since 2006 in this place, and i smile, i have no bitterness in my heart, i learn to be a much better person, i remember that i was here for a concert, i remember that i was annoyed because i didnt like the singer, i decide before i even left home that that night was not going to be good, and i remember it today, and it was not good, it was amazing, and i didnt even realize it, i learn to be more tolerant, to see the beauty in the little details, to share a moment, to see the effort of the other part, i am such a different person from that guy who start a new life in 2006, i may look the same, maybe older, but i am new person, a trully much better person!! Anna made me such a better person, and i will never forget that Anna is the main force in this change...

we are not in touch, she lifes her life, i dont know anything about her, we live and work in the same city, but that is it, like milions of other persons, but she touch me....she made me a a much better human....

i am a person who is now helping others, who is fighting to find love, to have another chance in life from a person who every day i like more, for a person that every day suprises me with her force and courage, with her will to life, with her happiness, with her smile, and yes...maybe she will never will share her life with me, but i am taking my changes!!

this is what this day means, its not a end, a start, it just a mark, a indication, that we must believe in a better day, in a future, and not to be afraid to fight for it, to believe in it!!! we all deserve to love!!! so go and fight for your love!!