17 of February

17 of February, a day, like many others, for most people, just a Sunday, a day like so many others, a day that will maybe leave without any trace in theirs life's, just another day....

for me its different, its a special day, i wrote a post about this same day last year...on the 17 of february...one year...its special day, a day i will not forget, a day that brings a lot of memories and emotions back to me, we all have a 17 of february in our lifes, we all have this special day, we all have memories that makes us smile, that make us cry, to celebrate, to hunt us, to makes us think...

17 of february of 2006, its a day will mark my life for ever, yes, 7 years have pass, and in my mind it was yesterday, it was now, its just like its still happening...i am home, my original place, not my working place, today i visit a friend who is a bad shape, he just return home after 3 months in the hospital, big car acident, he recently bought a new apartment, i never had been there, and as i walk back to my car....i come across the place where this adventure, about the reason i stat this blog, started, the place where my my life took a big change, a place that is now burn in my mind for ever...i stop... i keep looking....i look at the door....i was there...just looking...the person who is at the door said, if you want to enter, today its free, you dont need to pay...i said no, the person insisted, its one of the best views of the city....

i know that, i know that so well, i didnt want to enter, i didnt want to go and remember, but i did, i walk in, and i stay there, it was raining, i didnt feel it, what it look like 5 minutes was almost two hours...and i saw the last 7 years of my life passing in front of me, i saw the all the big moments, the little things, the good, the bad...everything....

for that two hours i saw the fights, the love, the being together, being alone, i saw it all, no pretends, everything, for real, my life move in front of me, my hopes, my dreams, my failures, two hours.....i was walking down from that place, i just realize i am shocking wet, all my clothes are wet, and yet my mind dry, its clear, its not happy or sad, its was just clear, it is moving forward...life and time is moving me forward....

how we deal with our past? how we deal with the people we lose??? do we should feel our hearts with anger, hate, some say yes, it helps moving apart, it helps moving forwards, others say pretend it never exist, burn everything, burn even the must little piece of remembering....i say, and its only my opinion, love every moment of your past, learn every day to life without that person, learn to move forward, learn to look at other people and smile, learn to open your hearts to happiness, let time do its work, let life move you forward...dont hate, dont burn, you love that person, you would have done anything for her/him..so respect that, and you will be respecting yourself....

yes, this day is not easy, it will never be easy, but would i prefer that that day never happen???? no, i dont regret nothing, i would do it all over again....i am a much better person today, this 7 years teach so much at me, i am so much better, we should embrace this 17 of februarys, see in your heart all the best that this other person brought to your lifes, see beauty that you share....

yes...some will say...i would prefer to be with that person...i understand, i would give 20 years or more of my life to change my life, if i could be back to 2003 and part of the deal would know that i  be dead in 2013, i would have donte it....in instant, i wouldnt not even need to think about it... but now its over, i waited, i tried, i fail, it didnt happen, so what i do? i embrace my past, and look forward for the future, i will see this day as a sign, a touch that i must honor, i must be a better person, i must continue to move to be more human, to love others, to respect, to be less thinking of me, and bring more joy to others, this day is the day my life change....

i made to myself a promise, every 17 of February, i will be in that place, every year from 15.30 to 16.30 i will be there, rain, sun, if i am alive, if i can walk, i will be there, the place were everything started, i am not doing this like i am waiting for a miracle, to look for Anna to walk back in my life, no i am doing that, i am not to look for the past, not looking for a person that is no longer part of my life, no, i am not waiting for Anna...that is over!

no, i am waiting for me, i am waiting, i am celebrating the moment that my life change, as a remainder to myself, every day, every year is a journey, a path, and that we should do everything to be good and happy....this day is now a way to show to myself, i have to improve, to be better, to be a better friend, a better brother, a better uncle, a better son, a better me, this is what this day means now for me, a path to improvement...

maybe it doesnt make a lot of sense to others but for me its very clear, so my friend, use your 17 of february, use your magic moment, use your magic day, and use to start a new path, a new journey journey of improvement, or growing up, of moving forward, and never stop believing, life is worth living!!!!