For a moment i decide to stop this blog, it was after Anna ask me to leave her life, i stop, them i decide to continue to write, why? why i decide to carry on???
why? i keep going, because writing this blog is a way to say everything i cannot say in real life, i dont need to pretend everything is fine, i dont need to put on a show, its a way to be able to express everything that i feel, to help in my recovery process, this is the most honest part of me, in here, everything is true, i dont have to pretend, i can tell everything!!!
will i stop one day?? i dont know, maybe one day i will stop, or not, but i aslo keep writting so others can learn from my mistakes, so i can do a bit for others, to help others, to try to avoid to others the pain i endure, the pain i suffer
there is no hidden interests??? i could say no, that i have no plan, there is not secrets, i wouldnt be totaly honest, i can say, with full honesty, i write to help me, to make me get ride of all the things that are in my heart and soul...maybe, in the back of my mind i keep writing hoping one day Anna will find or read this blog and realise that there is a person in here you will love her for forever...i know this would change nothing, i know i lost....but i this writing helps me, so i keep on writing, for Anna, for me, for all the other people who are in the same situation as me...
i keep on writing, its my way to deal with pain, to deal with lost, its a way to tell any one and no one the things that goes in my head, my friends, dont want to listen to me, they dont understand my journey, my love, maybe if i was in their shoes i wouldnt understand it either, that is way i write, that is a way i express this feelings, its also a therapy, it makes me more calm, it helps me show how much i lived, how much my life changed, its a a road map for the future, so i dont do the same mistakes in the future...
whyi keep writing about me and Anna,you can say, hey...she doesnt care about you!!! i dont mind, i dont control what other people feel, just what i feel and i most be honest with myself...and keep this blog alive i keep expressing everything it comes to my head, to my heart, maybe one day i can show this to Anna child and show her i didnt leave her, that i was pushed out, maybe she can see me with a different eyes, not like some one who abandon her and her mother....maybe one day she can understand...
i also write to people who come and read this, you are not alone, you are not the only person going through hell, there is other people out there, and we keep fighting back we keep falling, but we keep also rising, we are in pain but we wear a smile in our lips, we dont show how much pain we feel, we keep saying...i am fine...its a lie, but we hope, deep in our soul, that one day its not just a line....its reality....this blog is a true picture of me, how i am, what i feel...this is me without the mask....
so i will keep writting...until the day i stop...so why i write??? for a simple reason...love!
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