I never consider this idea, giving up, giving up is more them give up on a person, its giving up on a dream, on a true love, on happiness, on everything you treasure more, it almost like giving up on life!
and yet i ask, should i give up??? why??? i am here since almost half an year...i try to be the best person for her, to be there, to support, to prove her there are man you are honest, loyal, supportive, that can help everytime she needs, but i dont know were i stand...in April things look they where improving, that we start going out, starting making plans to do thing, but them come May, and we took a step back...Anna went to a foreign country, i told i could pick her from the airport, she refuse....she didnt want to "take" my time....and its it was the "best regards" in a mail she send me....she always would send a more personal message...this is very impersonal....almost i am person she works with....
maybe i am not being fair...maybe i am making a bad case of nothing....but i am not feeling good...i am not having hope....maybe this is all i can get...a call here and there...a coffee...i sometimes feel i am back to the time i told i am ex....what i should do???
i ask my self...should i give up Anna, should i leave the women i love...the person who is everything to me? maybe i dont have another choice...maybe this is the way...one day i will have to make this choice...i cannot carry on with this love and only have pain in my heart....this doesnt mean i will forget her...i will never will do that....i will always love her...but i maybe need to move on....its like decide to go blind...but what can i do when my eyes dont see nothing? when my heart in pain? when my mind is hurting me? when i dream with Anna every night? i try to concentrate in work, i try to have fun, i try to live, but i always feel there is something missing....
most people are afraid to die...for me, today, i feel like death is a liberation, its way to stop feeling this pain, feeling this way....no....nooooooooooo....i am going to fight...i am not going down!!! i will fight back...i will rebuild myself....i will be go down fighting!!!
there is no line in the sand....no date in calendary where i decide its over...but i time is passing...it would be much more easier to know where i stand...friend....lover....maybe one day......nothing....ex....what i am to you Anna????
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