karma

Karma, fate...Anna was telling she as bad karma, that she cannot find anything good in her life, that she made a mistake and she is paying the price...

i told her, she is not a bad person, you didnt deserve anything that happen, that you have not bad karma, you made a mistake, we all do, we need is to learn from them and carry on, we dont let this mistakes define who we are, and we are not responsible for what people do, if other persons close to you are doing same thing wrong, its not your fault, its not karma, its their own minds...its their own actions!!!! you are not guilty!!!!

i am afraid, that she is getting really bad adivce, i cannot reach to her, i am cannot show how much i could change her life, how? how could i?? its so simple, if she let me take her out, i would take to run, to do longs walks in the country, to try my sport, to do new things, outdoors...she use to love that, i would try to show there is a beautifl world out there...i would do this for her, to make her happy, she doesnt have to kiss me, to tell me nice things, to be my love, no, i would be her friend, i would bring the clouds out of her life, to show her, there is sun out there...

You dont have to fight the world alone, when some one walks by your side, he will help you fight, he would help in the bad times come...to laugh with you with when the good times are here....this is walking side by side...i am dont want to carry you, i dont want to fight all the battles for you, i dont want to do everything for you...when a child is learning to walk, you let the child fall...you let them stand up...you let them build the confidance...let them to learn to walk...you are there, to see the child is not hurting it self...not walk for her...this is what means side by side...i dont want to do things for you....this you have to your self...but you should see the difference bettween helping...and control....and try to walk for you....

if you stay home all day, if you dont go out, if you are afraid, you stop taking risk, life is not good, life is not beutiful, i try, i try to show her that the biggest change in her life, the first sign of positive things entering her life was me returning to the same city as her...but no...she is refusing to see that...she told me she dont get any lucky break...life is not good...

i am here...and yet is like i dont exist, its like i am just shadow of the past, she is not even realising she is so focus on bad things that she doesnt even see what i could bring...would we be back to the same old stories??? same fights??? of course not, but she will never find out, she will never see that,  she told me, she doesnt believe in second chances...i am saying...i am not a second chance, i am new chance, i am a new person, like she is a new person.

I dont know if i would meet this person know i would like her, i am so sad to say this, it breaks my heart, but its true, i was thinking a lot about this, i am loving a imagine, a person that doesnt exist??? that life took her away from me?

i am not the same person, i am not the same guy that i was in the time we where together...i am new me...but like i say many times, she will never will know that, not because i dont want to prove it to her, because she doesnt want to see it, she is afraid....she thinks if she bans me from her life she will be better...more happy? My dear sweet Anna, you are asking the man in this world that love more them everything, that would be there for you all the time, that respects, that thinks you are amazing, that you beautiful, that you super smart, that you are my only one, you think by asking me to leave your life you will be better, you no "ex"...i was always think i was more them a ex...i was  friend...i was you close dear friend....

you think that you will find a person who has no issues with life, no kids, super shape, fit, loves you, your child is happy and enjoys see me, loves you more them anything in this world?  maybe i am blowing my own trompet...

you think life doesnt give you break??? i complain  the same...read the posts...but i never stop believing, i never stop trying, i never gave up, i went by pain, by miseray, but it didnt stop me, i fought, i have the scars from this fight with life, but i am still here....i can smile and laugh, i can still think tomorrow will be better them today, i still believe the best is yet to come...

i dont stop, i didnt gave up, i open my heart to life, i try to push me out there, and i am, i am good, dear Anna, do the same, dont block people from your life because the past, see them, discover them...what are you so afraid??? that you will realise that we great together? that you will start to develop feelings for me, and i going to bad for you????? i would never be bad for you...i love you!

the worse case you would laugh, would see some great movies, whould go out, have fun...and you would had a great friend...what i feel is my issue, i would never put pressure on you....i can see your face and say...you put a lot of pressure....maybe...if call 3 times per week is to much, but that is because we use to speak every day, even after we break up.....but maybe you are right, maybe i need to give you distance...

you say life doesnt give you any chance....you are throwing away the biggest change life is every going to give you....you are pushing me out of your life....you are pushing pure love out....it seens my love for you is not enough....