Today i meet Anna, things where good and not good, after i meet her, i have a big question in my mind, in fact its keeping coming to me, more and more, when should you quit? when should you stop?
this is neither an easy question, not at all, i hate this question, i hate this feeling, i have fear of this questions, but i most face it...when its time to say, i am walking out, i give up???
Life as always 3 parts, the professional life, the love life and our individual life...we all have 3 sides....the side that works, the side that loves and the side that tries to enjoy life...
i write this blog like i feel, so when i am happy i have a happy post, when i am sad its a sad post...i have many questions, i dont get any answers, i dont understand, i truly dont understand and this is the worse...
but i am a good job, its not easy, its tough, i still dont understand must of it, i try to do the best i can, but its a big battle, but my professional life is going well, i am well paid, i am good status job, i can say my professional life is doing quiet well, it improve a lot since i move to this new job!!! so in here i am happy!!
my life, my personal life..hey..i have a good apartment, i am eating well, i am in great shape, i look fine, i have friends, i have a great family, i am preparing to do lots of things in my sports, i am getting a lot of can say if i was not in this love dilemma i would be smiling like a kid!!! i do smile...i do laugh..i do feel fine!!!
but i miss love, i miss having some special in my life...i meet Anna, but she resists in meeting me, she avoids see me, in fact she prefer to stay alone in her house to see me!! maybe she has a boyfriend, and doesnt want to tell me...today i know she went out, i almost went to see her..to see who she was with...but i didnt..i am not like that...she told today..that if i was her friend things whould be easy, but i am her ex partner..i dont understand...when we broke up, she was super nice to me, if i come to her place, she would meet, we would have dinner...she would drive me to the airport...we were friends...close friends..person to whom you can say everything....
when i move here, i didnt expect that she would jump in my arms, i expect that we once time per week, go to the cinema...have dinner, share a laugh, enjoy a moment, but no, i dont understand, i was never bad to her, when we are together we are laughing...we are smiling, we share everything, i dont understand...
after she left me that saturday in the coffee place...in not a nice way, i ask myself, should i move of her life at all?? should i disappear?? is this what i want? no, i dont want that, i dont understand why we cannot be friends...we didnt split recently, i am here for her all the time, i help, i try to be a positive source..but is this the best i can do? to give on her, and move?? i can stop see her, i can stop talk to her, i can never say her name, i can remove her phone number, i can errase all her things....but i cannot stop what i feel, i cannot stop the say..Anna i dont care about you!!! i dont give a damn about you, this i cannot because its not real...its not true...i can walk away, but Anna will always will be in my heart, i can marry, i can have kids, i can get other women...i can even be happy with them, but my last breath, the last thing in my mind the day i die, will be for Anna, i maybe walk away, but i will love her always!
today i spoke to her about my blog, she ask me why i do it, i do it to express my inner feelings, and also, one day to show her, Anna will only will read this blog in two circumstances, like a engagement gift, or the day i disapear from her life, one will be a source of joy, the other would be a way for her to see how much i care about her....
I am man, i cannot understand women, if i was on her side, and i was alone, i would give a chance to some one who was special to me, and i be honest to say, if the things that move us apart where there, i would stop, but maybe this person changed...grow up...maybe this is now a different person, a person that life made better...this is me...life made me better, life made me understand things, i dont say to say, its true, i am better...i am not the same person as before!!! i am difference person!!!!! a person that is ready to bring joy!
I can accpet that she doesnt love me, i cannot understand why we cannot be friends...
Maybe i am rushing things...maybe i should let time pass by, maybe i should not try to meet her, maybe i am making a storm in a glass of water, i just say what i feel, i feel strange...
life in the two fronts are fine, i am ok, even in day like today where i raise all this issues..i will sleep, i will smile..i will exercise, i will be looking at the future!!!!
but the question is here...should i walk way??? i dont have an answer...and i dont like this question....
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