Very special day

this week there is a special day for me...its happens this week....is a special day for me, its a day i will keep for ever in my mind, its the day i gave my heart for ever, its day i start the best, most beautifull adventure, the journey that forever will mark my heart, the day i start my passion and love with Anna!!!

In 2003, since i saw her,  I loved her, i am bad reading signs, i never understood how some one as beautifull, amazing as Anna could be interestd in me, she ask me many times why i didnt chase her back in 2003...she still thinks in that year of 2003 i was not interested in her....she cannot even dream how much i was interested in her, how much i loved her...but i was a coward, i was weak, i was afraid, i did consider love was not enough, i was going to move, i lived like in that time like it was in a place for x years...and them i would move..no ties...no more suffering...i had made a decsion of  moving.....i dont want to attached me to nothing...i life like i was in a "prison" i did x year them i would go...i had a empty house, i didnt had a car, i didnt make any attachments to the place i work, i didnt do my sports, didnt make any effort to make friends, life like i would go and come..and leave nothing behind, and then there was Anna...she was there...i was in love...we once had a drink in a tiny place not far from where we worked...we talk about many things...i still can hear her say a story about her old cat, that she left with "family"...she said it was like putting a kid for adoptions, it was before we left...remember all the talks with had, what she was wearing...i want to kiss her...i want to tell her how much i love her...but i did nothing...why??? i didnt i say nothing??? why was such a coward??? i didnt want to suffer, i didnt want to let hope get in my heart, so  i was coward...i say...have a good weekend...and went home....and run for 4 hours...i limp home with severe cramps...maybe she will remember saw me limping in the place we work...i would go running...desperate...i shave my head...i am not a kid, i work in a office...try to kill this void in me...i start chasing other girls...it was not love...it was to not think...i am ashame of me today...i should have go and say everything...i shouldnt have been afraid...and this is advice i give to any one who comes across this blog...dont be afraid, that risks, be truth to yourself...dont make the same mistakes i did!!! open your heart!!

i think she never trully understood how much she meant for me, she was afraid when we where together   that i would be chansing this other girls...i only chase girls to try to close this hole in me...when i am with Anna, i dont need no one else, i dont see anyone else...i only have eyes for her....i never cheat...must of my friends...that after i start my love with Anna, they think i was turning gay!!! i refuse many girls...i dont cheat, i dont believe, no one will know....i will know, this is the most important for me, i know that i cheat the women i love, and i will never do that!!!

the lesson is simple, even if you think that you have no chance, dont wait, do hesitate, NEVER BE AFRAID TO LOVE!!!! fight for your love, it may be a desperate fight, maybe you will suffer...you may have to change your life, your routines, what you are use to do...leave your confort zone, leave the fear...take the chance...there is nothing better...more rewarding...more important them have the person you love next to you!!!

Even when i was with Anna i was still to attached to my routines...to my timetable...what a moron i was...what a stupid person...losing Anna show me that i was not the great person i think i was...no...i was a person who look to much for him, to my own interests...that i to self centered...now i move to be a better person...Anna even when she is not with me...even after she left me...she is still making me a better person..she is still bringing the best in me...i dont know when i see her beautiful face...hear her voice...i am waiting that she remembers i am here...that i am her friend...valentines day come and went, but valentines day is just a stupid comercial thing,

this day is very different, this is a special day a very special day, is a day i will never forget...i can see...i can feel like it was today...i can remember everything...there is no words to express what i felt, i cannot put in words the joy, the change in my heart, the next days were the must beautiful days of my life....the weather was awfull, it rain like it was biblical, it was cold and windy...but for me...it was the best days of my life...it perfect blue sky, that there was stars, that there was no wind, that everything is perfect, it all happen a few years....but i feel like it was 5 minutes ago...

If you are reading this...look at your life...you maybe thing you have a tough life...that your work is bad...that your partner is not making an effort...that money is not a lot...that you didnt went to right place in holidays...you dont have that big house you dream...the car...that your kids give you to much trouble...that your girlfriend wants to go out to much...that your boyfriend watch to much tv...etc...that is nothing...you have it all...do you have some one you loves you??? a family to return home??? do realise what you have??? do realise you have a tresaure in your hands??? you have the key to be happy, dont concentrate in the things that are material, those things dont mean nothing, see the love, see your partner, make them happy, dont take them for granted...dont waste your time in discussions...dont lose your time being stupid...love your partner, your kids...if you give love...open and true love, you can move the earth...you can make miracles!!!!

I am asking myself, today...did i dream all of this??? was all real??? i think so...i hope so....keep looking at my life..and i look at all the decisions i made...i dont regret almost nothing..even some pretty stupid decision i took...some of my close friends know what i talking about...i did what i think was right...and i dont regret them....even if now i know they where wrong...but with Anna, i dont regret giving her all my love, NEVER!!! what i regret is being coward, listen to the society ideias, to be proud, to think, i am man, man dont do this..dont do that...this is what regret some much...i regret not take my chance in 2003...i regret not follow her in the time she move...i regret not having a child with her...i regret never told her about my travel in to her country looking for churches...this is something i will write later...one day..its one of the must hard things for me....yes...i did check churches....my plan was to drive her therelike a secret travel and propose....on that day....how much life change..you plan the rest of your life with a person...it was our special day....i never told her...this is way today is so hard for me.......even now...even now that i am fine with me...that i am happy with life...i cannot think about this and not get tears....so so bloody hard day this week!!!!!

we only have one chance in life for many things, dont lose it because you lose track of the most important thing in life, which is, to trully love someone!!!!