mistake?

If i look back at all this last years, was the love i had for this person, all the things i did was a mistake? I let  start a process that shouldnt have ever started??? was i better never let this person enter my life???? if you see things from the outside, if you are a person on the outside, they maybe even think it was a mistake, that all of this was wrong!!!! that i was taken for spin and them dumped!!!! that i should never love this girl!!! NOOO!!!

this is not true, i regret nothing, if i know what would happen, from the start, to the end, knowing how much i would suffer, know this would end, and if i couldnt change nothing, from start to finish, with the fights with the bad things, would i do it again??? YES!!!!! i wouldnt even bllink, i would do again, i dont regret nothing, i found that life is tough, but i have my heart fill with great memories!!!

I feel that this was not a mistake, this was one of the best experiences, one of the best times in my life, loved again, i learn to share a live, i grow up a lot, i become a better person, i am not the some person i was before Anna, and i feel that she gave on of the best lessons in life, she made me feel loved, she made me feel like a full person, this is never a mistake!!!! this is something i will always consider very special in my heart!!!

I will always have a special place for Anna in my heart, i am sorry that this didnt workout like i hope, yes, some is my responsibility, yes, i know, i should have done more, i was not ready, i would have been ready now, i know the right thing, and strangely after she told she doesnt want to see me, i am even better for her, because i stop being a junkie!!!! now i have the head in the right place, and my heart is right, but its to late...

I would have been perfect for her, i know her, i know how to make her happy, i know what makes her stressed, i could make her life a pure heaven, she would had in me some who would never cheat, you would all to make her happy, to turn her life in magic event, it ddidnt happen....

As we lose this magic feeling in you, you start to see that part of the issues are not only mine, i put a lot of a lot of the blame on me, its true, all i say in this blog is true, i should have done a lot of things differently, but Anna, why didnt you fight more for us???? why didnt you gave me a change to speak, to act, to fight for us???

i know that it was hard times, but you never gave me a true change fight for us, you never said, i cannot carry on any more like this, for us have a future you need to move here!!! if that is what you really think we have no more future...she never ask that, she never said that,  she never gave a true chance....what i would have answer??? what would have happen....we will never know..

there are things i dont understand, she told she feel alone, she was in a bad time, i try to be there, to help, to be her friend and in the end she told me i want to control her life, i didnt, true, honest!!! i was concern for her, i was trying to be best support for her, i was trying to be there for her, just that, not trying to control, not trying to clain a stake in her life, maybe i was too pushy, yes, i was a junkie!!! but the feeling was right!!! I think she need to look at herself, what she really wants, and see that what we need was just there, and the past and the future are not the same, and because people in the past was not honest, were not correct, doesn’t mean man are all the same, like I did at me, maybe she need to look at her, and like I was junkie, maybe she need to get out also of her process...this is the only way for her to be happy!!! if she doesnt, she will get attention, interests from guys, she is beautifull, she will get sex, but love???? she was hurt, manipulated, she was not treated good by same assholes, but she cannot think we are all the same, she need to see the some people can really be trusted!!!!


I care for her, I hope that Anna can be happy, i really do, i pray to god, for Him to put his hand in Anna shoulder, and give her peace of mind, to give her all the strength she need to have a very happy life!!

Maybe i am bias, maybe i am being unfair, but i think in a few years, not now, in a few years, when Anna will look back at her life, when her child grows up and move always, she will look back at life, we all do this, and she will see that there was this guy, who love her, always!!! who was always there for her, that always treat her like a princess, who was her friend, maybe she will realize them, she made the biggest mistake in her life, that she trade pure love, for a fake interest, she lost the love, a love of gold for some shiny metal, she let the fear of the past control her future...she made a mistake in let me go!!!! maybe she will realise that, but it will be to late...maybe she will find some one who care for her as much as i did....i dont know, life is a big mystery!!! i hope she will be happy, i trully hope so...

Right now my mind is almost at peace, i am taking control of my life!!! i am getting to a good phase!! all the other pieces are slowly getting together, my getting control of my life, i am ready to start a new life, a new happy life!!!

i have friendship with Anna to take care, and i will!!!! 

But Anna was never a mistake!!! she was one best things in my life!!!! maybe the BEST thing!!!