Saudade

Saudade, its a bit a magic word, there is not a lot a good translaction, its a word from this country in the south of europe, there is this french song, saudade, also, its when you miss some one...

when you look back you try to make a picture in your mind about how it was the life with some you loved, the love between you and that person, you try to see the good points, the fights, you try to understand why you are not together any more, was it good? was it bad? was it worth it? every person will have a different view, you will have one...she will have another, your friends a different one...

for me the only thing i care, was, was it worth it???? how i will remember this person???? with a smile??? or deep grim??? we meet people across our lifes, some will take a vital place in your mind, they will be remember when your life past in front of your eyes in the closing moments, others, they are a side note, you will have to make a effort to remember them.

i have persons who cross my life, and i have persons who touch my life, there is many ways to be special, to be remembered, Anna touch my life in a very special way, she will always be special, different, i would never would see her again, she would still be a special friend, i will always treat them in a special way, this doesnt mean, i will chase her again, that i want to be back in her life,no, i share my heart with her i dont have a lot of person who touch my heart, for Anna, i will be always there, i can be married with kids, she can be married with kids, we can be in 2040, we be both old and grey, and she will still be special, its nothing to do with trying to go back in a relationship, or have any second intention, its fact this person touch my life in a very special way, so there is no way i can treat her the same way i deal with a normal friend from high school!!!

this the way i think, maybe others will think in a different way, i dont know, i can always think for me, and this is way i think!!!i hope she see me also in a special way, some who she loved, some she love so much, i have no doubts that she trully loved , we share so many wonderful moments, maybe she doesnt think the same way, maybe she see me in a different light...

i can only speak for me, and i can say, i much rather remember the joy and love them the fights and bitter moments, and i know life is a long process, but when i rather think about the good things, about the joy, zen say, we are what we think, so thing good and life will reward you with good things....

i have to say, for me i will always will be thinking of  Anna with joy, i will remember her, i will thinking about her in many moments in my life, we life together, we share a lot, i hope she can see me the same way, i hope in the future we can meet, do things together, share a dinner, remember stories, and find in our minds the joy of being friends!! friendship, honest, no agenda, no hidden motives, just true friendship, because a friend to whon you can say anything is very precious, this is what Anna is for me a close and true friend!!

There is no secret story here, there is not moving backwards to a time to try to get "a fix with Anna", no!!! i am not trying to get her, its about the way you see others, how you remember your life, its about not let the past control your futures..and missing some one, a person you have a special place in your heart, Anna is, i say is, i hope i am right, and dont want to use "was" my best friend, and miss her...as friend!!!

Its about how you see the other persons, its about being happy, i am concentrating in the good things, be a positive force!! and life will be good for me!!!  be open to chance, be open to be happy, and you will be suprised with life!!!!life can be great!!!