Her Child

If you are starting a relationship with a single person is already a big adventure, you need to find out all the little things about each other, when your love as already a small child things are not easy!

but, please, don’t read this stupid advices all over the net and books, its not going to work, its a losing battle, you will be a second choice always in relation to her child, i get sick every time i hear that, what a load of crap!!!!

Yes, there is a little baby, child, in here, and what? this will make you love her  less? NO!!! you need is to learn to handle this, and maybe better them me!!! I think my love never was sure if i truly love her child, i did, i truly need, maybe in a stupid way!!! A man way, which was be tough, don’t show to much emotions, and try to be a father like figure, one who will impose discipline and rules!!!

Wrong, this is very wrong, a child knows who the father is, and you are not the father, and the last thing you need is start playing power games with a child. A child need to encourage and loved, yes a child need to understand the right and wrong, but the child can learn this by positive stimulation, if the child is doing something wrong simply ignore it, don’t keep saying, don’t do that, no, you cannot do this, seat down, eat the lunch, if you don’t eat this you will nothing more, don’t run, a child will start using this to get attention, she will grow on a negative behaviour pattern, do the opposite, say how good he/she is doing, compliment, encourage the positive things, and you dont need to worry, a child like this will grow up to be a confident happy adult!!!

Was i like this??? no!!! in fact i was the oposite, i was always, the one saying, dont do, dont touch, eat your food, only recently i start to think, i start to see around me the results of this type of education, and i start to realize how wrong i was, and how right my love was, and this is one of the things i regret more, its i didnt listen, is that i was not flexible and to understand, i must tell to every guy who may one day read this, we dont have to be right all the time, we dont have all the answers!!!!! the biggest lesson you should get is to listen and learn, and in a case like this, the mother is always right!!!!

a good example was one day i went with my love child to a swimming class, in the end when all the kids where getting dressed, i was watching all the parents around me, shouting, don’t play with the towel, hurry up, come here, they where all shouting, they all were playing this power games with their child, not my love child, he/she was dressing smiling, playing little tricks, but a well super well behaved child, when i recal this i think now that child, that day gave me a lesson a lesson given by a 4 year old child, a lesson i should have learn, and i start to wonder that day if i was right, there was no time for me after that, because my love move away from me, shortly after this, but that moment will stay for me forever, its the moment i discover how wrong i was!!!!

still even after that one day on the phone with my love, in a stupid bravado macho men moment i told my love lots of things i shouldn’t, things i regret so much today, i don’t know why i said all this things, i don’t know what come to me to say does things....to look like a men????? for being afraid to admit that i was wrong??  i dont know, but i told things i am ashame today, things that i listen to my self say, i should be smacked in the head and be told, you stupid men!!!!!

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are wrong, forget your stupid pride, you have a lot more to lose them your stupid pride if you insist in a way that even yourself start to think its wrong!!!

I learn a very important lesson, i was until i meet my love a believer on a strict approach, i saw recently the results, of this approach in the life of some of my friends child, who are afraid to be kids, kids who attract attention by being nauthy, by breaking things, i dont want a child of mine to be like this, today i know that you need to be more the sergeant, you need to give love and attention, and your child we grow up in great way!!!

In the you are sharing your life with a single mother, you are not the mother or the father, tell this to yourself, and please give the mother space to be the mother, discuss with her your opinion, but never forget its her child not yours, and in the end you should respect and support her decisions!!!!

Its strange that i am saying all this things now, another thing is don’t be afraid to show affection for her child, you should, if you are in the life together you should show how much this child is important for you, i miss this part, i should have been a more caring person to my love child, we had a great time, we still play when we see each other, but i should have been better, i should have been a super friend, a someone that when the child grow up, could be a confident, a friend, a support person, not the father, but someone he/she knew it will be there for her all the time, like i would be to he/she mother.

I cannot say how much i miss them both, one of the things i really enjoy on my family life was before bed time i would go to my love child bed and see if he/she was not cold, i would put the little blanked on he/she just stay there for a second looking how peaceful this child was sleeping, it was a warm hear moment, every day, a moment i miss so much, a moment that i lost, and i so sorry, so sorry....

i know today how wrong i was back them, i hope that if you read this, learn from me, and don’t be afraid of a single mother with a child, its the best thing that could happen in your life, work for it, don’t be afraid, be there for them, give them all your love and attention and you will have the best life in this world!!!