Hope?

Hope is a strange thing, its the base of life, its the force that keeps you breathing, its the thing that makes you leave the bed in the morning, its only thing that keeps you moving forward, is the hope one day I can return to my love!!!!!

I lost hope for a few weeks, for the first time in almost two years i felt i was going to go through life without any reason, without a purpose, i remember on time during my army times, one old sergeant telling me, you are only afraid to die if you have a reason to life! he explain why people do crazy things at war, they have no reason to life, so they are not afraid of dying, at that time i didn’t understood what he said, it didn’t make any sense to me, during this weeks, it made perfect sense, if you have any hope you don’t live, you are going day by day without any objective, you are simply here, you are not afraid to die, being alive or not doesnt make a big difference!! I am not crazy, i am not going to start mad things, i simply say, i understand so much better what is real important in life! but there is a thin line between hope and addication, between hoping and feeling like a junkie....i dont know here i am now...i am hoping? or i am losing view of everything and insted of being a force to better, i am becoming the source of problems for me and Anna????

The worst thing in life is losing hope, but to have hope you need to be good with yourself, you need to have hope in you, that you have the head in the right place, that your heart is right!!!

Now i am not sure, maybe i have confused hope with some mad objecive of return to the person i care at all cost!!! hey i say this?? because i dont see to be able to enjoy nothing....

I am at a crossed road, do i hope? or do i am becoming a stalker????  i dont know....i hope i can find the answer soon, maybe hoping to much is wrong, maybe i am just making everything worse, maybe i am losing my objectivity, is not easy to look at you and think, that i can be a problem and not a soluction, that the best thing i can do is give time and space...or insted of hope you just become a mad paranoid person...

It’s this a realist hope? maybe not, i don’t know, should i give up? Decide to forget her, to move on? it not easy, there are big feelings in my heart, i know today that there is magic, maybe one day i can show her that  i am a better person, i am the right man for her to grow old, someone will never will disappoint her....

if you read this, and you are in love with a single mother, or just in love, or love someone who still doesn’t love you, have hope, and be the best person for the one you love, be a partner, a lover, a rock, a source of joy, show her that life can be full of magic and joy!!!!!