weekends

The weekends are the worse time for me, it’s so strange, i use to like so much the weekends, not any more, i hate the weekends, i don’t mind don’t have to work, i don’t mind having time for me, but i hate arriving to an empty house, it’s not easy, you have a big or small house, the feeling is always the same, there is something missing!!!

I feel so empty on the weekends, there is nothing better them arriving home and know there will be someone to share things with you, to talk, to give you love, to call you sweetheart, this is the salt of life, now I arrive to a empty house, i cannot watch the tv, i start to dislike the tv, the stupid shows, so i read, i try to tell myself i am ok, that time will help, that life will be better, but in the moment where you are down, this doesn’t work!!

On best things of sharing a life with someone is arriving home, seat in the sofa and talk, while you caresses her hair, listen to her, hold her, share a moment, make planes for the weekend, i feel so bad, because when we were together, i never did this, i would go and do my sport, and sometimes i would go for almost the entire day, what i fool i was, there shouldn’t be nothing more important for you them share a life with you love!!! Nothing!!!!! Share!!!! You cannot share alone!!!! i learn, i learn so many things, and i ask myself, why i had to lose my love to understand all of this??

I spoke of my situation with a friend of mine who went through a similar situation, and he told me, sometimes we need a punch in the face from life to understand what is really important, it’s like when people have a death threaten disease, if they survive, them become changed persons, they lean what is real important in life, for me is the same, losing my love make me question all my values, my ideas, my opinions, what I want from life, I need to lose my live, this the most sad things that happen in my life, its worse them what I thought was the worse time of my life, 1994, this is so much worse, i had find my soul mate, the perfect person, i found her, i love her, and them i lose her, it’s a cruel trick of destiny, if it was to realize how important she was, i learn my lesson, i learn my lesson the hard way, i hope that the future can bring me to my love again!!! she will find a new person in me, a person you change and will bring her all the joy in the world!!!

My friend decide he had not will to fight, and gave up, he gave up, he still wonders today, what if???? i am will never give up, the people who know me, know this, i can have my defects, but quitting is not one of them!!! i will never quit, i can lose my love, she maybe never love me again, but the feeling for her will be in my heart for ever, and i will never quit, i will only stop my quest for my love the day i die, and don’t know if will be heaven or hell, but if I will be heaven i hope that she will share heaven with me!!!

During the week, i concentrate on work; i try to keep self occupied, now, weekend, its bloody hard!! but i am also getting scared, i cannot be alone, this is not good, i am starting to think also, but i am not in the right mind frame to make some one happy, and this scares me also!!!


if i am not happy with me, how can i make some else happy?